The Formula
by SKayLanphear
Summary: Following Ultimecia's defeat, the world is left in shambles. While he'd like to step down and simply take orders, Squall knows he has a responsibility to remain and do all he can to put things back together. Rinoa, meanwhile, has to deal with her newfound abilities. Add in Laguna and whatever secret he's hiding and things might just fall apart no matter the efforts made otherwise.
1. Chapter 1: Back to Business

**Chapter 1: Back to Business**

As it would turn out, even when you went to the trouble of saving it, the world didn't stop spinning for you.

It would have been wishful thinking to assume that it would, which was why Squall didn't indulge in such fantasies. For a few days following their return from the time compressed "dimension," he'd forcefully ignored the responsibilities gnawing at the heels of his thoughts. But the party the night before was like a finale. Following, the real world would come knocking. Well, Squall intended to meet it at the door.

Latching his belt, he shifted the shoulder guards of his SeeD uniform—making sure everything was pristine and in place—before he turned from the mirror. With his gunblade on his hip, he headed out of the dorm and into the early morning gloom. Pace quick, he made his way around the Garden and to the elevator. He didn't come across a single soul as he did—it was still far too early after such a late night. The lack of students was relieving, the quiet calming his nerves some as he headed up to the third floor office.

Headmaster Cid had asked the night before that they have a private discussion that morning. Which Squall had somewhat expected. With the sorceress issues put to rest, it was only logical that the runnings of the Garden change. And as far as Squall was concerned, the sooner such discussions were out of the way, the better off he'd be. He never did well being left to his own thoughts for too long. Action was always preferable.

Stepping out of the elevator, he only spared the windows overhead—which were dim with the beginnings of the sunrise—a few second's look before her went around the lift shaft that shot up out of the floor. The office sat open behind, Cid's rounded form silhouetted before the glass on the far side.

Coming to a stop about a meter before the desk, Squall paused to consider if he should say something, only to have Cid turn to him a second later.

"Good thing I came so early," Cid started, a soft smile on his face. "I knew you wouldn't waste any time."

Ignoring the comment, Squall stood straighter and put his hand to his temple in salute, before taking it upon himself to decide to relax. Yes, Cid had left Garden, but years of repeating the same motions over and over were still ingrained in Squall's psyche.

"Probably best to get this business out of the way as soon as possible anyway," Cid went on, rounding the desk until he could lean back against the edge. Facing Squall directly, he looked his student—the Commander—up and down, before taking a huffing breath.

"The world's in shambles, Squall," he started. "All the Gardens are in disarray, the Republic of Galbadia is leaderless and facing rebellions on all sides, Esthar is battling the lunar cry and trying to recover from the damage it's already done.

"But let's start small," he went on. "Balamb Garden first, hmm?" Pushing himself away from the desk, he clasped his hands together behind his back. "You've done well, Squall. Phenomenally, even. You and your friends—comrades—you're heroes. The news is hitting the press already and by this time next week, everyone in the world will know your name."

"Wait, what?" Squall couldn't hold his tongue upon hearing such a declaration. While he knew he and his friends had done big things, he'd thought the situation to be relatively under wraps, at least as far as the public was concerned.

"Something had to be said," Cid explained. "The world is on a precipice and your story might be what pulls it back. People are scared, they need reassurance. And, right now, I think you're the only one that can offer that."

"I don't understand. What was said?"

Cid took a deep breath. "A lot of the press was curious about you—about this Commander that seemed to come out of nowhere and who took charge with such furious support from his peers. So I started at the beginning—with your SeeD promotion onward. Of course I was careful to leave out anything unsavory or that would be detrimental, but, otherwise…"

"You said…" Squall's head was spinning. What did this even mean?

"The world needs a hero, Squall. And you're the only candidate we have."

"You didn't even ask my permission."

Cid raised his eyebrows skeptically, which caused Squall to purse his lips in frustration.

"It would have gotten out one way or another. Better now than on terms that couldn't be controlled. Interviews were done of me, as well as your friends. Exempting Rinoa."

His _friends _did this?!

"We decided it was best not to tell you. Give you a few days to relax before getting back to business." He did sound apologetic, but Squall wasn't sure if he cared. Really, he'd known that what he'd wanted was probably unreasonable. To just go back to being a regular SeeD, told what to do. Not forced to think about every decision he made and every word he said. But he was getting the feeling that, what he'd wanted and what he'd _expected_ aside, he was in for something totally different.

Putting is focus on the floor, he gripped the hilt of his gunblade and took a deep breath. "What does this mean then?"

Cid sighed, leaning back on the desk again. "I am an old man, Squall. The world I'm from is incomparable to what lies ahead of us now. And I know that, whatever it is, I'm not strong enough to be a big part of it." Squall looked up quickly, but remained silent. "Even when the Garden was functioning as expected, on routine, I was hardly a capable leader. I was alright until things got tough, at which point I fell apart."

And forced Squall to shoulder a burden that shouldn't have been his to bear.

"Even if I were to come back as Headmaster, the students wouldn't have faith. And the world wouldn't trust me. Not when they have you."

Squall ground his teeth together, trying to calm his tumultuous thoughts to little avail. "I'm only eighteen," he said stiffly. "I became Commander because I was given no other option. I don't know how to run a Garden." Or anything else. How could he be headmaster when most of the other SeeDs were his seniors?

"Well, I hardly think you'll have time for the day to day running of the Garden," Cid replied, barely smiling. "I think Xu and Quistis are more than capable there. But Garden as a whole is going to have to be put back together—Trabia and Galbadia included. Trabia's headmaster is dead, Galbadia's gone and unfit—like myself. And though they're staying above water now, they're going to be asking for aid. Just like the Republic of Galbadia, just like Esthar."

Because Balamb was the only combat force out there open to help—the rest were all far more broken and weighed down.

"Someone is going to have to lead—to be an influence in getting things back on track."

"What right do I have to be that person?" Squall snapped, before taking a deep breath in order to calm himself. Or try to.

"You are the only person, Commander. The world needs a leader now more than ever. I know you don't want this, but that is, perhaps, what makes you all the more qualified. Those who do the most good aren't those that seek power, but those who have power thrust upon them unwillingly."

Rinoa flashed only quickly through Squall's thoughts. Followed shortly by President Loire.

"You knew this would happen, didn't you?" Squall asked. "Edea told you." Told him of the circle in time. Of him meeting her and explaining his mission. That was why, when he'd expressed disinterest in most subjects aside from combat, Cid has always taken a personal hand in guiding him toward a focus in global studies and politics. He'd defended singling Squall out by claiming he showed promise as a gunblade specialist, but that'd only been an excuse. One that Squall was only then understanding.

He'd been molded into the "Commander" from the very beginning.

"I didn't know exactly what would happen," Cid replied. "But I did know you were special. Even without Edea's say, that much was clear."

"I'm only… this way because you two decided I should be." An endless circle—as if to ask which came first, the egg or the chicken.

"Does that really make a difference?"

Squall turned his head to the side. No, he supposed it didn't.

"You are the Commander," Cid went on. "When an anonymous survey was taken two days ago by those in Garden, you received overwhelming praise from faculty and students alike. President Loire has only good things to say about you, to put his approval lightly. And even General Caraway, who you should keep in mind is battling for power in Galbadia, expressed positivity about your position and hoped to work with you again soon.

"I realize it's a lot of pressure, Squall, but the world needs you. And I know that's not fair-"

"It doesn't matter," Squall interjected coldly, refusing to meet Cid's gaze. "I know what this means now." Even if he couldn't imagine the consequences quite yet. "So what does that make me?"

"It makes you Commander of Balamb Garden, the most mobile and potentially powerful military force in the world right now. It makes you, as of today, the most powerful man in the world."

And, yet, he felt all the more like a child.

"Where does Rinoa fit into all this?"

Humming thoughtfully, Cid resituated himself against the desk. "Rinoa is… well, she's the most powerful woman in the world. She has Edea's powers, she has Adel's powers, she has Ultimecia's powers. She is, by all rights, the most powerful sorceress in known history."

"And I'm supposed to be the hero that saved the world from the tyranny of sorceresses." How was he supposed to be that and claim to be Rinoa's knight as well? The jobs seemed contradictory in every manner imaginable.

"You are the hero that saved us from Edea, Adel, and Ultimecia. Rinoa, too, played a major role in that."

In other words, that was how her position needed to be painted. _Not_ as the most powerful and terrifying force in the known universe, even if people would come to that conclusion on their own.

"I realize you're in a difficult position. Your situation isn't completely hopeless, however. President Loire holds no Sorceress aggression, seemingly, and General Caraway is Rinoa's father. Whether he takes power or not in Galbadia, that could also be worked to your advantage."

"Yes, her military father in junction with her history as a violent rebel—that will go over swimmingly."

Cid chuckled. "I didn't say it would be easy. You, and her, will have to make some difficult decisions—come to terms with where your loyalties lie and where you're going to put your influence. You have a lot of options, which, perhaps, makes this all the more difficult." Standing, he came up and placed a hand on Squall's shoulder. "You've got a level head on your shoulders and friends that love you—don't lose sight of that. Even when things seem at their hardest, they'll be there. Above all, hold on to that. Everything else will come with work and time."

A nice speech, but one Squall wasn't in any attitude to appreciate. His life as he'd known it—before all this sorceress nonsense—was over. No easy task taking orders and lying low. He could, of course, just leave it all behind. Abandon everything the same way those who _should_ have been doing his job had done. But he couldn't. For all his griping, he didn't want the world to fall apart any more than it already had.

And if he was in a position to do something, wasn't it his responsibility to do so? Even if, with every fiber of his being, he wanted to turn away and forget it all?

"This is why I have faith in you," Cid murmured, drawing Squall's attention his way. "Because you want so desperately to be rid of all this. There's nothing that wards off corruption better."

Because if he was someone different, he could go too far. He could become something terrible and powerful and no one, especially with Rinoa at his side, would be able to stand in his way.

The mere idea sent a shiver up and down his whole spine, stomach twisting with nausea.

"Where do I start, then?" he asked.

"Only you can answer that question."

Gee, that was helpful.

"Edea and I will be here for the time being, but I fear we won't be of much help beyond sorceress matters." In other words, that was the only reason they were sticking around. "Most everything else is outside my wheelhouse."

Squall sighed, only to then hear the dinging of the elevator reaching their floor. A few moments later, three pairs of feet carried Nida, Quistis, and Xu in through the double doors. As soon as they were in sight, they stopped, straightened, and saluted.

They didn't relax as Squall had, instead remaining stiff and at attention. Which was a first since Squall had become Commander (Zell's report aboard the Ragnarok aside). Had they planned this? He looked back at Cid, but that was useless.

They were waiting on him. They were saluting _him_.

How had he gotten himself into this mess?

He looked them up and down just a moment longer, before speaking. "At ease."

And they _obeyed_. Why was this happening to him?

Right, he needed to stay on task, not fall prey to his own thoughts. There'd always be time for brooding and regret later. But what did they want him to say? Why were they even there? Should he know? Best to remain vague. "What's the situation?"

He ignored the way Cid chuckled behind him.

"No different from yesterday," Xu replied, hands clasped in front of her. "But we expect there will be changes soon."

Right. That was his job, wasn't it? They weren't there to tell him anything, they were there so he could tell _them_ what to do.

If only to make matters worse, Dr. Kadowaki came off the elevator a second later, bearing witness to his struggle with all the rest.

"Of course," he finally managed to get out, looking between them. They watched silently, eyes trained on his own—their weight heavy with every breath they took and each pound of their hearts. Things Squall couldn't hear, but that he was abruptly hyperaware existed. "Right…" Another deep breath.

He could do this. More importantly than his faith in himself (or lack of it) was the faith _they_ all had in him.

He didn't want anyone to depend on him, but it was long too late for that. Best to let some sentiments die, he supposed.

One step at a time.

"Quistis, the Garden needs to be put back on routine. With the exception of the students and faculty still recovering from combat, I want _everyone_ back in classes and on schedule as soon as possible."

"It's the middle of a semester," she said simply. Not to reprimand, but merely to remind.

"Yes, well… I'd imagine you know more about the workings of such things than I do."

"Perhaps," she replied strategically, Squall already feeling as though he were failing. "But whether that's true or not, others need to understand where such instructions are coming from."

Right. They didn't have titles. They _did_, but they weren't official. So what would Quistis be? Headmaster? The position sounded almost too powerful and could come into conflict with his own, should other's begin to inquire. Which would likely just make things more difficult. She was coming to him asking for orders, after all, so that meant he was, like, the head… person? Right?

Commander. He was the _Commander_.

"Of course," he agreed. "With Headmaster Cid's input and… Xu's assistance, I'll write up official… titles today."

She nodded.

Silence.

Squall tightened his hold on the hilt of his gunblade. "You'll be the Dean from here on out," he decided, waiting for some kind of backlash.

There was none. Quistis nodded again.

"Right…" Keep the ball rolling. "Dean Trepe, you'll be charge of all domestic student and faculty affairs, which will be expanded upon… soon. Until then, act as you deem most appropriate."

Moving on. "Xu, your strategic experience will be helpful both domestically as well as outside Garden. You'll be the Garden Director and you'll work between both Quistis and I. Today, however, I'll need your assistance here in the office. I'll also need… Selphie Tilmitt brought up to speak with me as soon as possible."

She nodded, taking it all as if it were nothing out of the ordinary.

"Nida, you're in charge of the Garden's Mobility Force. As of now… you're the only participant." Nida smiled, but said nothing. "That will change soon enough, but until then, you're in charge of moving the Garden as well as any needed maintenance. You report directly to me, so that makes you… Captain." That sounded about right.

"Thank you, Commander." He bowed his head slightly.

"I assume that the Garden is in full working order as of now?"

"Yes." Nida nodded. "Ready to move out whenever the order is set."

"Good. Quistis, check to be sure we have no stray students in FH outside orders. If there are, don't discipline them, but be sure they get back to their posts as soon as possible. Once you've determined that all students are aboard," he turned to Nida, "I'll give the order to head north tomorrow morning. Trabia Garden isn't recovering well and those who survived their tragedy have been waiting for aid long enough." They'd wanted to rebuild the Garden on their own, but Squall could see just as well as anyone how impossible that was going to be.

"Yes, Sir." Nida was, by far, the most enthusiastic.

"Dr. Kadowaki." Squall turned lastly to her. "I expect your services will be required. Xu will arrange a meeting with you to discuss supplies and what you'll need." He put his attention back on his new director. "I also want to be sure the Garden is prepared to support these students in all other ways necessary, be it food, classes, etcetera. I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd like to have these numbers by noon today. Enough time has already been wasted."

"Of course," Xu agreed.

A pregnant pause fell on them all, Squall uncertain what to say next. Was he supposed to order them directly? Or…

"All fine ideas to get things going," Quistis eventually said. "But what is priority as of this moment?"

Right, a schedule.

Blinking, Squall took a moment to organize his thoughts. "Okay, so, first, Xu," he nodded in her direction, "Get me Selphie Tilmitt, Irvine Kinneas, and Zell Dincht, in that order, for separate meetings this morning as soon as possible." Pulling a pad of paper out of her pocket, she began to write. "I also want a report on the Garden's financial standing—put that at the top of your list, as well as any official documents and emails that are in need of immediate attention."

"Anything that is not in Xu's archive is likely in my official inbox," Cid interjected. "I'll assist you in accessing it."

Squall nodded and continued on. "I know this doesn't leave you much time, Xu, but I'd like to meet about the Garden's stock early this afternoon. If you need more time to get figures together, then let me know, but we can't leave FH until that information is known and rectified. I'd also like Nida to sit in on this meeting, as you're very familiar with the locals and will more appropriately be able to get us anything we're lacking. I'll be open to the council of all of you this afternoon, so organize between each other and come see me once you're satisfied you have everything. When that's done and Nida is aware of what we need, I'd like you, Xu, to stay and assist me in drafting position descriptions and titles for us as well as a few others.

"Quistis, I'd like to meet with you later this evening about the status of the school, once you feel you've gotten stats on our situation. And sometime—either today or tomorrow morning—I'd like a private meeting with you, Nida.

"The office is open all day despite any meetings going on, so if something needs to be addressed right away, please let me know." He'd apparently be holed up in paperwork almost all day.

Quistis cleared her throat. "What about Sorceress Rinoa?"

Right, _that_. Not Rinoa herself, but the official designation.

"I'm considering the situation at present," was all he offered on the subject. "So, for now, do not concern yourselves with it."

They all nodded, saluted, and waited for Squall to say "dismissed" before they dispersed.

Once they were gone, he slumped some inside himself and released the tension he hadn't realized had coiled up through his whole body.

"It'll get easier," Cid assured, patting him once again on the shoulder. "You're doing well—starting small."

It didn't feel very small!

"So! Emails, hmm?" Cid gestured to the desk—one that had always been there, but that Squall had never made of point of sitting at. It was clean of papers and the computer fastened down on the corner had the audacity to look dusty. "I've organized everything so as to be easy to navigate, with Xu's help of course." Which would in turn help Squall once she was back in the office. "But none of the emails have been checked and, well, with the turmoil recently, there's not even been an executive assistant here to filter anything." Cid's previous assistant was a SeeD that had been injured during the battle with Galbadia Garden. And NORG's henchmen certainly weren't around to keep things in line anymore.

Somewhat wary, Squall paused to stare down at the glass desk, the clean, crisp look doing nothing to comfort him. Yet, like any battle he had to inevitably fight, he pushed his nerves aside and approached. Fingers skimming the glass surface, he swallowed hard before lowering himself down into the chair. Sharing only a quick look with Cid, who smiled, he then pressed the button to boot up the computer.

A few seconds of silence ticked by while they waited, Squall staring down at the desk before words finally came to him.

"Are you sure I'm qualified for this?" he asked quietly, not daring to look up at Cid, who stood beside him. "I did my best when I had no other choice, but when…" He took a deep breath. "When Rinoa was in danger, I didn't think twice about leaving. I just walked away from everything."

"Hardly." Cid chuckled. "Garden was in no immediate danger, Edea was powerless. Come now, Squall, and tell me, honestly, if Garden had been at all threatened during that time, would you have left?"

He already knew the answer, which didn't make him feel the least bit better. Of course he'd have stayed and done his duty, but where did that leave Rinoa in his list of priorities?

"I understand some of your position, Squall. You know that. I built SeeD with Edea knowing there was a chance the very thing we were creating would be her end. And it wasn't easy, leaving things in your hands and knowing what was coming. But there was always one thought that kept me going through it all—that helped me reason with my situation."

Finally sparing Cid a glance, Squall waited.

"If I was the one in charge, then was that not the best defense for my wife? If an order to end her life was to be given, as it was, would it not be better that I be the one to give it?" His smile turned sad. "No, being in charge didn't guarantee Edea's safety, and it can't solidify Rinoa's, but is it still not the best defense? Besides," he reached out and laid a hand on Squall's shoulder, "you're much smarter and more capable than I ever was. Whatever solutions are to be had, you'll be apt to find them."

Such faith. Everyone had so much faith in him. Squall didn't get it. What had he ever done to earn such trust besides take orders and perform above average? What good was the highest SeeD exam score when it came to dealing with and making decisions about things that could potentially affect the whole planet?

What did everyone else see in him that he couldn't?

"Now then," Cid went on, directing their attention to the computer. "To business. Aside from checking my emails, we'll have to set you up with an account of your own and send it out to all contacts who had mine…"

The rest of the morning was spent in learning and explanation, despite the weight in the back of Squall's head that only seemed to get heavier and heavier as the day wore on. There were issues upon issues to be dealt with, however, and he couldn't afford to be subject to his own council.

He and Cid worked through emails and names and dates for another hour and a half before they were interrupted. Not that the interruption was any relief to Squall. True, he'd come to enjoy the presence of his friends, but in those moments, that wasn't who they were. He was the Commander and they were his subordinates. It was time for business—for a necessary façade instead of the open desperation they'd worn for months.

Or maybe that was simply what it felt like to leave one's childhood behind.

"Reporting in, Sir," Selphie said, she, Irvine, and Zell all saluting as they came to stand before the desk. Rejecting the urge to sigh, Squall shared a nod with Cid before the older man excused himself to the lobby outside.

Both Zell and Selphie were in their SeeD uniforms, while Irvine remained the outcast. Still, that made him no less a part of their mismatched brigade.

"Good," Squall decided, standing and rounding the desk a second later. "At ease." Like the others before them, they relaxed on his command. "I'm glad you all came, but I'd intended to speak to you all individually."

"Oh…" Zell blinked stupidly. "I mean, Xu said somethin' about that, but we weren't sure…"

"I know, it's not how we've usually done things," Squall replied, waving his hand dismissively. "But with Ultimecia gone, we have to put the world back together again. Which means we all have our own roles to play." Silently, the three before him straightened some, as if what he was saying was actually important.

Maybe it was… He didn't mean for it to be.

"You've more than proven yourselves as worthy of my trust. As all of you apparently knew," he eyed them sharply, "I've got some work to do. But I'll need help to do it."

"We'll do whatever you need us to!" Selphie replied quickly, slamming her heels together. "We want to help!"

"I know." Squall waved her down some. "There's a lot that needs to be done and you each have specific skills and positions that could help with that. Which means we're all going to be on our own missions for a while." A metaphor he found to be rather depressing.

"Therefore, lone discussions," Irvine supplied and Squall nodded.

"I'd like to speak with Selphie first," he decided. "You're welcome to wait or go, but I'd like to speak with you all before the morning is up."

"We can wait," Zell said, pumping his fist enthusiastically. "I'm ready to be doing somethin' different."

Squall nodded, Zell saluting one last time while Irvine tipped his hat before they removed themselves from the room. Once he and Selphie were alone, Squall gestured to the set of couches in one of the corners before the windows. Two sofas with a glass coffee table between them. Selphie practically skipped over before plopping down, Squall placing himself across from her shortly after.

"So what's up, Com_mander_?" she said the title in a sort of sing-song voice.

"As soon as Garden is restocked and ready to leave, we're heading north," he started, cutting right to the chase. Not like his friends expected any different. "To Trabia Garden." His statement sobered her immediately, seriousness dropping down over her expression. "Galbadia's forces are in disarray at the moment, but once someone pulls it all back together, we don't know what they'll do. Or even how Esthar will react." It'd been Galbadia, after all, that had brought the destruction and ruin of the Lunar Cry down on Esthar's head. "The world is unstable, which means we can't afford to be weak in the face of it. And I don't mean that as an implication of impending conflict. However, Trabia is vulnerable and I don't want to see Garden as a whole," the organization itself, "fall because we weren't attentive to the needs of our fellows.

"If everything goes as I hope, we'll be leaving FH tomorrow. I don't know how Trabia has fared since we were last there, but emails were sent to Cid asking for food and medical supplies a few days ago. Which can't bode well."

Looking down at the table, Selphie shrank a little inside her own shoulders.

"And that's why I need you," he went on, his statement drawing her attention back his way. "I don't want to merge Trabia and Balamb—not unless that's what the students of Trabia want—but I am prepared to offer aid and shelter until something can be done to get Trabia back on its feet. However, that's going to require a certain degree of attention that I don't think I'll be able to wholly give. Not with… everything else going on."

"I'll do it!" Selphie volunteered. "I'll help."

"I don't want you to just help, I want you to be in charge of the whole project. If there's anyone who can bring people together and get others to work in tandem, and think outside the box, it's you." She'd more than proven that since they'd begun working together. "I don't know what Trabia is going to need and I'd imagine it will require more than simply our presence to get it back up and running. I've already been considering the reconstruction and see no feasible way of reclaiming what was lost, not exactly as it was. Which leaves the people of Trabia with decisions to make. Whether they want to let Trabia go, whether they want to rebuild it as something new, or another idea else."

"The Gardens were all salvaged from Centra, right? They're Centran technology." Hence, the unexpected flight ability. "If that's true, then couldn't we look into other Centra ruins to see if there's something to repair Trabia with? Or maybe even replace it with something similar?" Another mobile shelter.

"If that's something the students of Trabia want, then I'll do all I can to support it. But I'm putting you in charge of discussions with them. And while I know you have loyalties to Trabia, you are also a SeeD from Balamb and have to keep both in mind."

"I can do that." She nodded vigorously. "You're my Commander, Squall. I know that. But thank you so much for thinking of Trabia." She blinked rather rapidly for a moment, Squall pursing his lips uncomfortably until she got herself under control. "With our help, we can make Trabia strong again. Stronger than before, maybe."

"Maybe." Frankly, Squall's main objective was to get them back on their feet not only so Balamb didn't end up rushing to their aid, but because he hoped to form closer alliances. Granted, Gardens were all supposed to work together to begin with, but recent developments had caused generous rifts between some of them. Before he did anything, he wanted to repair as much of that as he could. Not only for the sake of Garden, but for the safety of all those who did and _would_ find a home within their walls.

The remainder of their time together was spent discussing the people of Trabia, their programs, and other topics related that Squall needed to be more educated on before getting involved. In the end, Selphie left with permission from him to get a team together and begin planning what little she could. With far more on her plate than when she'd originally come, she switched places with Irvine.

_Irvine_. A topic Squall knew had to be handled carefully despite any friendship he could claim with the other man.

"So what can I do for our Commander?" Irvine asked once they stood across from each other before the desk. He smiled in that lazy, all-knowing fashion he was known for, which only solidified for Squall that the sniper knew exactly where this conversation was going.

"You don't have to answer to me, you know that," Squall replied, leaning back against the desk as he did. "The sorceress mission is over, which means any contract you may or may not have had with us is terminated."

"Such harsh words," Irvine lamented dramatically, having the nerve to place his hand on his chest. "You'd throw me away so easily?"

Squall waved off his attitude before continuing. "You're a student from Galbadia Garden. Under normal circumstances, it'd be expected that you'd return there."

"Under normal circumstances," Irvine repeated.

"As of now, we don't even know where Galbadia Garden is or what state it's in following Sorceress Edea's occupation. If it's condition is still salvageable, I would assume the Galbadia government will lay claim on it."

"That's a safe assumption," Irvine replied shortly.

"Despite Galbadia Garden's close relationship with the Galbadian government, the Garden itself was still an independent entity, correct?"

"I suppose. While Galbadia Garden did filter students into the Galbadian military, part of the draw of it was its separation, no matter how thin. If someone went to G-Garden and did well enough, they could, theoretically, transfer to Balamb and become a SeeD." Which offered the most freedom as far as their options.

"Just as graduates from Balamb could transfer to G-Garden if they took an interest in a more formal military." Each Garden had its own specialty. Trabia, while smaller, was focused on interests more outside the military realm and was a place those who didn't excel in combat could retreat to. Galbadia was more staunchly military—run less like a school and more like a camp. It offered more career routes, but was also a gathering place for those unable to excel otherwise—those who had little choice _but_ to join a military. Whereas Balamb was known for the elite SeeD mercenary force. If one excelled at combat, they were sent to Balamb to become the best of the best. All three Gardens exchanged students accordingly, but due to their positions had formed alliances outside each other.

"Before we go any further with this conversation, Irvine, we need to establish what you want to do," Squall continued. "You're registered to G-Garden and, therefore, ultimately answer to them. And if that's what you want, then that's where you'll eventually go—once we figure out Galbadia Garden's status. However, if you were interested in becoming a SeeD, that would be an entirely different situation."

"But… SeeD's don't specialize in firearms…"

"I think an exception could be made this time. Besides, there've been petitions for years from students wanting to change this rule. And as I was allowed an exception when I wanted to train with a gunblade, as was Seifer, I'm hardly in a position to denounce your skillset."

"You really mean that?" Irvine asked quietly, looking far more subdued than Squall was accustomed to. "I could stay here if I wanted to? I could become a SeeD?"

Squall furrowed his eyebrows. "Well… sure. I'll have our side of the transfer papers written up and once we figure out who's in charge of Galbadia Garden," if _anyone_ was, "I'll get the official release. And I can vouch personally for your immediate promotion to SeeD status."

"You really think they'll just let me go?"

A tickling of concern seeped up through Squall's thoughts. "I don't… understand what you mean."

"It's been happening for years," Irvine replied bitterly, removing his hat and wringing the edges between his fingers. "Students at Galbadia would train and become the elite, only to have their applications for Balamb rejected. Instead, they were put up in the military, while those less qualified were filtered to SeeD. It became a sort of game, pretending not to be good enough to be elite but also too good to be defaulted to the military anyway. And even then, accepted applications to Balamb have dropped every year."

Which was the exact opposite of how it was supposed to work. Galbadia specialized in mechanical weapons and technology to make up for what some students lacked in physical prowess, while those who excelled were supposed to go to Balamb for more intensive training.

"Galbadia's been monopolizing Garden students," Squall established. Which meant that G-Garden's ties with Galbadia were tighter than he'd thought, while ties between Gardens were thinner. Garden was supposed to be a separate identity—a neutral training facility.

"I'm not saying the transfers that got to Balamb weren't worthy," Irvine went on, "but they weren't the best. I knew the chances of getting to Balamb were low, so I picked up sniper skills in the hopes that I'd get a good spot in the military…"

Squall waited.

"But… after coming here… I don't want to go back. There's a reason Balamb was what people aimed for, even if Galbadia has made that goal harder to see these days. Besides," he smiled again, though the expression was far more honest than previous, "all my friends are here. And you."

"Me?"

"You have to understand, Squall. The Galbadian military is rampant with corruption. We took orders, but we never really knew who they were benefitting or why we were carrying them out. It's been… nice, having a leader I can trust. Someone who's not just going to throw my life away without a second thought."

Uncertain how to respond, Squall remained silent for a moment, once again registering a heavy weight in the back of his head. Yet, despite that, there was some relief too. Finally, someone was offering a reason for their trust in him, even if he wasn't totally confident he deserved it.

"If you don't want to go back to Galbadia, then you won't," Squall found himself saying despite any lingering doubts. "You'll become a Balamb SeeD, I'll make sure of it." One way or another. Besides, he couldn't fathom that the placement of one sniper was going to be a concern for Galbadia in the current situation. Hopefully he'd just be able to file the paperwork and be done with it.

"Thanks, Squall," Irvine said quietly. "I meant it, what I said all that time ago. About snipers being loners. I know I don't quite give off the same attitude you do, but… I was kind of tired of being alone. Galbadia Garden doesn't exactly encourage close relationships."

"No, I'd imagine it doesn't."

"You'd have done really well there," he joked, winking.

"I know," Squall agreed, tone dry. "A pity I ended up here instead."

Irvine laughed, replacing his hat on his head as he did. "Yeah, what a job, Commander."

What a job, indeed.

"I know you weren't present for the official occupation of Galbadian forces in G-Garden," Squall moved on, "but how do you suppose most of the students felt about it?"

"Depends on the students." Irvine shrugged. "I mean, I doubt any of them were overly thrilled with a sorceress occupation, but that doesn't mean they'd all react the same. In a more, uh, underground sense, the students at Galbadia were divided up into two groups—military track and SeeD track. Of course, most SeeD track kids knew they wouldn't get to Balamb, but it said more about their loyalties than anything else. Military track tended to be the ones that were more supportive of Galbadian influence, while SeeD track were more against it. I can't say how military track felt, but I know for certain that SeeD track students were against occupation. Most of the students that came to our side or that we met when we infiltrated were probably SeeD track." Which included the ones that had smuggled their way onto Balamb Garden during the head to head battle.

"I see." Squall took a deep breath. "That Galbadia had more influence over G-Garden than I realized could be problematic. Like I said, Galbadia will probably lay some kind of claim on G-Garden, but knowing how deeply rooted their sway was could make fighting that harder than I thought."

"Galbadia shouldn't have any say in the matter," Irvine replied, voice somewhat dark. He must have been a SeeD track, Squall decided. "You're the Commander and in charge of Garden—you're the one that gets to decide."

"I'm the Commander of Balamb Garden," Squall corrected.

"That's not how a lot of people see it. You ousted the sorceress from G-Garden and led the charge that beat Galbadia. The Galbadian students here in Balamb are already loyal to you. Not only that, but everyone knows Cid Kramer was the original founder of Garden and that he was the one that promoted you. If it's a choice between Galbadia and you, the SeeD track students will want you."

"What about Galbadia's own headmaster?"

"Martine was unpopular even when he _was_ in charge. And I doubt anyone's been officially put in as new headmaster. Maybe some Galbadian military shmuck claimed it, but half the students there won't follow that. Even before Martine left, there were talks of getting him to step down."

"And what about the other half of the student body?"

"As good as Galbadian soldiers," Irvine replied. "Give em' a choice—they either stay in Garden under you or join the military. G-Garden hasn't been what it was intended for in years. This is the chance to change that."

"I don't think I have that much power, Irvine…" Yes, Squall was very uncomfortable.

"Garden was erected as a means to create SeeD, G-Garden included. You're in charge of SeeD now. You're the _only_ person with the power. Besides, what will happen if Galbadia claims G-Garden? What else will they move on? Sure, their military may be messed up now, but they'll figure it out. They were causing problems even before all this. By all rights, you—and Laguna for that matter—have every reason to put sanctions on everything Galbadia does."

Which was true. Galbadia were the aggressors—they put Ultimecia in power through Edea. Ever since the end of the previous sorceress war, they'd been causing trouble all over the world. As it was then, they were weak. Which meant that places like Timber and Dollet would be vying to take advantage of the situation anyway. Maybe even Winhill, which had been occupied since before the _previous_ sorceress war.

They weren't just dealing with the consequences of their war, but of the one that had come before as well.

"You ask me," Irvine said, "Galbadia should be stripped of its military entirely and forced to pay for all the damage they've done down to the last cent."

Squall's eyebrows twitched. "That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

Irvine smirked. "It isn't just in places like Timber and Dollet that the word 'revolution' has been floating around in regards to Galbadia's government."

Which was something Squall wasn't entirely sure he wanted to get involved in. The military occupations, maybe, but Irvine had said it himself that general consensus among students was half and half, let alone the actual population. For all those who would support him, there would be those that would disagree. Step in too far and he might end up in a place he didn't want to be.

SeeD was a force to be paid for—meant to be neutral. He knew it was impossible to be completely unbiased in the current situation, not with how much help the world needed and what had been done to Garden itself, but he wasn't about to dictate the politics of other governments. He was Commander of Balamb Garden. And maybe, through that, Trabia and Galbadia Garden for the time being—if that was how things played out—but he wasn't going to take charge of everything. He wouldn't even know how, for one, and didn't want to as another point. He'd help out where he deemed appropriate, but—unless SeeD was hired—Galbadia had to sort out some of its own mess.

"Let's just focus on Galbadia Garden for the time being," Squall decided. "As of now, we don't know anything about what's happening with the G-Military or government. And, to be frank, that's not SeeD's responsibility unless we're hired.

"I'll push your transfer through, Irvine. You'll be a SeeD. And I may need your assistance whenever we do locate G-Garden, so be prepared for that." Irvine nodded. "We're SeeDs, not revolutionaries. Please keep that in mind."

"I know," he replied, that typical lax expression dropping back into place. "I'm just saying that, when push comes to shove, you might have to step in."

"Even if I did, do you really think that forcing Galbadia to go bankrupt would aid one side of the coin or the other?"

"Heh, maybe not," Irvine shrugged. "But they should be forced to give up their occupations and decrease their military."

"We'll see…"

"Hey, I'm just voicing my opinion." Irvine raised his hands in an innocent fashion. "I'm gonna be a Balamb Garden resident, so it's hardly gonna be my concern. But, as someone who lived in Galbadia, I figured it'd probably be good for you to know how I felt."

"Thanks," Squall said flatly, which only had Irvine laughing again. "If I need anymore 'advice,' I'll be sure to ask you."

"Of course, Commander." His salute was almost too rigid to be serious, before it was followed by more chuckling. "And really, thanks," he added at the end. "For agreeing to let me stay."

"Sure." Squall nodded. "Send Zell in on your way out."

Sharing in short farewells, Squall glanced up at the nearby clock during the few moments he was alone, already feeling exhausted despite it only being eleven in the morning. Rubbing his forehead, he only looked up once he heard he double doors open and close again. Bounding around the lift shaft, Zell was all seriousness as he stood straight and, once again, offered a perfect salute.

"You don't have to be so formal when it's just the two of us," Squall said, voice as unadorned as ever.

"Uh, sorry." Fidgeting some, Zell slowly lowered his hand to his side. "I just, like, really respect you man, that's all. Not everyone woulda handled what got thrown your way as well as you did."

Another compliment. Another reason? For the trust?

Squall was still lost on how to handle it…

"Thank you, Zell. I appreciate that." Or so he told himself.

"No problem!" Smiling wide, Zell pounded his fists together. "So what can I do ya for, Commander?"

Was Squall the only one that didn't enjoy the title?

"I actually have a special job for you," he started, pushing himself away from the desk. He could tell by how attentive Zell was that he was listening closely. Yes, Zell had his faults—loud ones to be specific—but he'd more than proven himself capable and, above all of them, willing to go beyond to get the job done. Yes, he sometimes lost control of his words and emotions, which grated on Squall, but that didn't make him a bad SeeD. Not by a long shot. "It's concerning Rinoa."

"Rinoa?" Based on the way his brows furrowed, that hadn't been what Zell had expected.

"As it turns out, I'm going to be…" Squall sighed, "very busy. Probably for some time. And while I want to…" He wanted to be at her side constantly, really, but that just wasn't realistic. Not with what he had on his plate. "The point it, she's a sorceress and attitudes toward her aren't all that great at the moment. I can't be at her side twenty-four seven…"

"You're worried about her?" Zell asked.

Gritting his teeth, Squall turned his gaze to the side. "Of course I'm worried about her. Everyone knows she's a sorceress." They hadn't managed to keep that under wraps. "And it's not like she's a member of Garden." What few times she had stayed in Garden, all she'd done was follow him around every moment she got. It wasn't her home—it was new to her. "Already anti-sorceress sentiment is brewing, and even if it wasn't, people are still wary."

"Do you think that… that maybe she should leave?" Zell asked.

"No." Squall shook his head sharply. "This is the safest place for her, I think. Besides, I don't… I don't want her anywhere that I can't easily reach. At least, not until all of this calms down."

"Right…"

"I want you to stay close to her, Zell," Squall finally divulged, though where he'd been heading wasn't all that surprising. "I know it may sound a little drastic, but I don't want her going anywhere without you knowing about it. I can't… I can't be as attentive to her as I want to be, not like this. But a lot of people have suffered because of what the sorceresses have done—there are a lot of hard feelings…"

"I get it, Squall," Zell assured. "I'm not saying I disagree with you. But… what about what Rinoa wants? Have you talked to her about this?"

"No." He shook his head. "But she's not stupid—she'll figure it out. And I know she's… I know she's afraid. She doesn't want to be in a place where people avoid her, or where others are afraid of her. And aside from your other qualifications, I know she and you get along. I don't… I don't want you to stalk her, but just… know where she is."

"Like a bodyguard?"

"I suppose. I'll talk to her about it, of course, but I think it'll be fine. And, well…" Squall ran his hand through hair. "There are only so many people I would trust to do this. Like I said, I'd do it myself, but… I think I'm going to have a hard enough time keeping her safe from the rest of the world, let alone those inside Garden walls." He met Zell's gaze. "I realize it's a bit below your paygrade, but…"

"Being the bodyguard for a sorceress is hardly below my paygrade," Zell replied simply, managing a grin. "You trusted me to protect Edea in Esthar and I'm happy to do the same for Rinoa. I'm always armed and ready, and Rinoa's fun besides. I'm sure it'll be fine."

Squall grunted in agreement. "She doesn't have a room yet, but I'll put her in the one beside yours."

"Really? You're putting her in a dorm room?"

Squall didn't understand. "Where else would she stay?"

"Oh, I dunno," Zell looked around the office. "Here. With you."

"I don't stay here," Squall replied. "I still live in the dorms." Just like everyone else.

"Yeah, but, like, you're gonna move up here, right?" It was where Cid had stayed, after all. Though it was an office, off to the side was a door that led into the quarters where the headmaster had once lived. Were he being honest, Squall hadn't even considered moving—wasn't exactly high on his priority list. Besides, it wasn't like he needed a bigger room or something.

"I hadn't… planned on it…"

"Dude, you can't stay in the dorms," Zell reasoned, acting quite as though he knew better (which Squall did not appreciate). "You're the Commander, like, officially. And, I mean, you're also you. Can you imagine how many people are gonna be bothering you if you stay down there?"

Squall hadn't thought of that.

"Besides, this room's up here and so is the office—might as well be used by someone and seein' as you're the head honcho around here."

As if he needed another reminder. "I hadn't thought of it that way," he admitted. He supposed he'd have to think it over more fully when he had the chance. "Where I'm staying aside, what makes you think that's where Rinoa would stay?"

"Uh, because aren't you guys, like, a thing?"

Despite how silly he knew it was, Squall felt his cheeks warm slightly at the comment. Throw him into battle, make him deal with people he didn't like, promote him, fine, he'd deal with it. But… relationships? He wasn't exactly all that experienced. In fact, he had no experience. At all. In anything.

The kiss he'd dared to go for with Rinoa the night before had been his first ever—that he could remember anyway. And he'd honestly been doing a pretty good job of not thinking about it thus far (had it been okay? He had no idea).

"I didn't know that implied we'd be… sharing quarters…" he said, hoping Zell didn't notice the slight flush on his face and thankful that, even if he did, he didn't bring it up (unlike certain other people Squall knew would have).

"Well, I guess if this was like normal dating, you wouldn't," Zell acknowledged. "But, like, you really think she's gonna wanna stay in the dorms? Especially if you're up _here_? Besides, if you're gonna be as busy as you say, wouldn't her staying with you be the best way to spend time together? And, I mean, then I don't have to somehow keep surveillance on her room when she's asleep."

None of which Squall had thought about. He supposed it probably would be safer to have her upstairs, and would give her someplace to go that wasn't surrounded by hundreds of other students with only a door for a barrier. After all, he didn't know anything about being a sorceress or any effects it could have on her, if there were any.

Even if he wasn't staying in the same room with her, maybe it'd be better all the way around if she was put up in the third floor quarters.

"I'll discuss that with her too," he finally decided, not at all looking forward to the conversation. He was actually quite nervous about seeing Rinoa in general after what had happened at the party. It'd seemed like the right moment to "make his move," as Irvine would say, but he supposed he could have been wrong.

Maybe it was better not to think about it.

"Awesome!" Zell pumped his fist. "I'll get right on keeping track of her then. Don't you worry a bit Squall—she'll be safe so long as I'm around."

"That was my intention." If there'd been even a small bit of sarcasm in his voice, he wasn't sure Zell had registered it.

A knock on the door interrupted them a second later, Xu entering within the moment.

Right, because his day was never-ending.

Zell was dismissed shortly after, Squall prepared to watch the rest of his day waste away from behind the desk.


	2. Chapter 2: All the Possibilities

**Chapter 2: All the Possibilities**

Rinoa could tell by the light filtering into the room that it had to be late morning. Yet, despite this, she remained lying in bed for some time, the sheets tangling around her bare legs as her bed-shirt rode up around her stomach. They'd been up late the night before, this was true, but that was hardly reason for her to remain in bed despite being awake.

Truth be told, she wasn't sure what to do. Get up, get dressed, and go out, sure, but what then? After all that had happened, she knew it was impossible that she go back to her life as she'd had it before. Timber's independence was little more than a pipe dream as far as her involvement was concerned. While she'd like to return to what had been her priorities, everything she did now would be… tainted by what she was. It wouldn't be the Forest Owls that had liberated Timber, but Sorceress Rinoa.

Who even was that, such an identity? She had no idea.

Sighing, she finally sat up, her hair dropping down over her shoulders as she stared down at the sheets. The room was in was but a guest room, yet she found herself wondering if it'd be permanent. She'd been on her own for a while, sure, but as of then, she was… afraid to leave Squall. Of course there were other reasons that would inspire her to stay where he was, but there was a certain degree of… trapped fear that also left her feeling helpless.

Or maybe it was fear of herself that had her feeling that way. Pulling up her hand, she stared down at the familiar creases, supposing—as she had numerous times before—that she didn't feel any different. Not then. Not if she didn't push it.

But she knew that just the inclination to think about it, to find intention, and the power would start to rise within her. It was still all so new and foreign, the sensation still surprising her despite having called on her powers a few times already. By all rights, she didn't need to stay anywhere—she was powerful enough to go anywhere and be whoever she pleased.

Yet, it was that very thought that terrified her more than anything. She didn't want to be alone, or hated. Squall, her friends, they didn't care what she was, even if the rest of the world did. And they all lived in Garden.

She could find a place there too, couldn't she?

Maybe Squall could help her. There had to be something she could do.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself up off the bed, only for Angelo to rise from the floor and come panting over.

"Of course I can't stay in here all day," she murmured, reaching out and scratching her dog's ears. "You've got to go out." There were a few areas she could go, the training center namely. So long as she didn't pass by the metal doors, she'd be fine.

Getting to her feet, she quickly washed her face, brushed her hair and teeth, and changed. Lastly pulling on her boots, she peered once out the window at the sun-heavy sky before turning her attention to the door.

Ignoring her nerves, she told herself that it'd be like any other day, before she called to Angelo and stepped out into the hall.

It was quiet, no one in sight, and Rinoa was thankful for that. No, it wasn't as if the whole Garden could be that way, but at least in the close quarters of the hallway, she could maybe remain inconspicuous.

Keeping Angelo close, she headed down and into the main aisle, which lead down the jutting path toward the center of the garden. This was where she finally came across students, most of them focused on their destinations or standing around chatting in groups.

She didn't spare them even a little bit of her attention, hoping that if she pretended they weren't there, they'd do the same for her. She had no idea if it worked, but she convinced herself that no one had stared at her as she'd walked by. There was no reason, after all. She was just a guest taking her dog for a walk and a bathroom break.

Yeah, right…

Once she was out in the open—the garden's multiple floors open and towering up above her—she felt a little better. Things were busier, more people milling about and so it was easier to hide between. She made it successfully to the training center, where Angelo could do her business without fear of reprimand.

It was as they were walking out that the calling of her name startled her, causing her to turn toward the unfamiliar voice.

"Rinoa!" the woman called again, waving a hand as she did. Older, with dark hair, a white lab coat, and kind features. Rinoa had met the doctor before. Her name was Kadowaki, if she was remembering correctly.

"I was headed to your room to look for you," the woman explained, Rinoa offering up a small smile as greeting. "Edea and I were just talking about you in my office and I needed to stretch my legs some. She'd like to speak with you."

"Edea?" Rinoa asked, her heart sinking just a bit. After all, that could only mean sorceress things were on the horizon.

"That's what I said," the doctor replied, her tone equal amounts nice as it was strict. "With Commander Leonhart so busy today, we figured you'd be around."

Squall was busy? She hadn't even seen him yet. In fact, she'd just been considering where she might find him. But perhaps that would have to wait.

"What's he doing?" she asked, going along beside the doctor as they headed down the aisle way. Panting happily, Angelo trailed behind, sniffing nearly everything as she went.

"Official business I expect. Even with all that's happened lately, the Garden's got to keep running. And seeing as he's in charge now, he's the one that has to do it."

"Of course." Rinoa smiled, hoping the expression didn't look too tight. "I just didn't know, after everything, if Cid Kramer would come back and, you know, reclaim his position."

"I think Cid plans to retire someplace quiet with his wife." Dr. Kadowaki raised her eyebrows knowingly. "I'd have to say that they probably deserve it, don't you?"

"No doubt." They'd started Garden, after all, and no doubt struggled to make it a reality. Let alone all the distance and hardship they'd had to endure otherwise. Rinoa hoped that wasn't the trademark of a sorceress. She wanted to live a generally happy life, even if it wasn't headed in the direction she'd originally intended.

They were arriving at the med bay soon enough, Dr. Kadowaki announcing their arrival as they entered.

"Good morning, Rinoa," Edea greeted, rising from the chair she'd been sitting in beside the desk. "I hope I haven't called you away from anything important."

"Oh, no, it's fine," she assured. "I don't quite know what I could be doing in the first place."

Edea smiled, the expression soft and small. And maybe even a little sad. Dressed in black as she was, and so pale, she appeared delicate and frail, as well as a little shadowed in her mood. But perhaps that was justified.

"You'll find your place," she said. "Soon enough. We all do, one way or another."

Rinoa hoped she was right.

"You wanted to talk to me about something?" Rinoa asked, deciding to get to the point of all this with a short, steadying breath.

"We have many things to discuss, though I doubt it can all be tackled in one day." Gesturing back out of the med bay, she implored Rinoa to head out, the two side by side as they returned to the hall. They didn't go out into the open center of the garden, however, instead detouring to the side where the windows above the banister were open to the sea air. Leaning against a support pillar, Rinoa took in the breeze and waited for the inevitable.

"I'm not the sort to beat around the bush, least of all about subjects of this nature," Edea started a moment later, she too standing before the open windows. Where they were was quiet, little traffic going in and out of the infirmary, which was helpful. Certainly there were plenty of students recovering, but most weren't contained to Dr. Kadowaki's care. "And besides, this isn't a subject that should be avoided, for your sake and the sakes of others."

"Because I'm dangerous…" Rinoa murmured.

"You're only as dangerous as you allow yourself to be," Edea explained. "And, well, as dangerous as others can make you, in the case of Ultimecia." But that wasn't an issue anymore. "That isn't to say, however, that controlling your sorceress powers will be easy. Perhaps you don't feel all that different, but as time wears on, you'll come to be more aware of yourself. That's inevitable."

She paused, Rinoa staying quiet as she listened.

"You've inherited a great burden. Aside from my powers, you've also inherited Ultimecia's through me as well as Adel's. For all the sorceress history I know, that makes you one of the most powerful sorceresses to have ever existed. Once upon a time, sorceress power was spread thin, hidden within women in small doses. Never too thin, yet always subdued. But time has brought that power closer together, spurred by desire and greed. And now you've inherited the abilities of two of the most powerful, as well as mine, which was no small dose either."

"You became a sorceress when you were very young, didn't you?" Rinoa asked. "So then the sorceress you inherited your abilities from was also powerful?"

"Not as powerful as Adel or Ultimecia, but yes, she was. Unlike some, she'd kept her abilities hidden, as I'd planned to do. She'd intended to pass her powers onto her daughter, but the girl died before she was able, which left the woman desperate to find an heir. It's no easy task, after all. Only certain women can inherit a sorceress's powers, and, even then, how much of that power they can carry varies.

"I was worried, initially, when I learned of President Loire's plan—to have you inherit so much. Thankfully," she looked Rinoa up and down, "you seem to be handling it well."

"Is that… unusual?"

"It's hard to say. We don't have enough evidence one way or the other, but some women have been known to grow weaker as a result of inheriting sorceress powers, so even of those that can inherit such abilities, fewer still can handle large amounts. It would seem we were all very lucky in having you."

"You think so?" Rinoa dared to ask, trying to find any shred of light in all this.

Edea smiled again. "Of course. Without you, Ultimecia would still be at large, and perhaps even Adel. No one can deny that."

She had done some good, after all. She'd been a crucial part of the plan, even if she hadn't gotten there on purpose.

"There will be side-effects, however," Edea continued. Her words were somewhat chilled, and snapped Rinoa back to full attention. "Especially as a result of the sheer density of your abilities. It's hard to say what, exactly, but hyne's strength does not simply exist in silence.

"With me, it was depression, anxiety. Common side-effects that sorceresses have to deal with. The power that you have, that I did—it's naturally corrupting. That's why sorceresses without knights are at such high risk. An intimate support system is crucial to battling the darkness this power brings. Otherwise all the bad begins to take root—the loneliness, desperation, hurt. Heavy feelings with no cure. Enough to drive a woman to do things she'd never thought within the realm of possibility."

Enough to drive her to evil.

"But it was because I had Cid, and my children, that I was able to find balance. You too must seek this balance. With your knight, centrally, and your friends and personal endeavors otherwise. It will be hard, but you can't give up. You can't give in."

Reaching up, Rinoa gripped tightly at the rings hanging around her neck. A general sense of unease dropped down on top of her, leaving her feeling tense and anxious.

"Rinoa." Reaching out, Edea laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, which had her flicking her attention up. "Your powers are not a curse. They are a natural part of the world that we live in."

"Yet they come with so much… bad…" she said quietly.

Edea took a deep breath. "Yes, there is a lot of bloodshed in the history of sorceresses, but there have been good sorceresses too. Ultimecia's story is one that I don't know, but in the case of Adel, she led an isolated, lonely life, and so it is no surprise that she inevitably fell to her power's corruption. But you have many friends, Rinoa, and an optimistic outlook on the world. Do not lose that to your own self-doubt."

"But if there really are side-effects to me being…" She released a light sigh. "How am I to put that burden on my friends? They've already done so much for me…"

"And you have done much for the world," Edea pointed out. "Your own sacrifices in this cannot and should not be minimized. You served in a cause that was not your own, willingly, and took up a position you never asked for. Your friends know and understand that. Do not be afraid to be honest with them, because the more open you are with those who can and are willing to support you, the easier this whole transition will be."

Edea eyed her knowingly. "And that includes Squall."

Rinoa almost laughed. "I've been trying to get him to be more open with me the whole time we've known each other. I guess it'd be rather hypocritical to start holding myself back instead."

Edea offered up a small smile. "I think you two are good for each other. And while he isn't always open about sharing his feelings, I've seen the way he looks at you."

Rinoa felt her cheeks warm slightly.

"It takes a very special kind of person to go to the lengths he did for you. I would keep that in mind, when the world grows tired and difficult. Very few people have the privilege of being loved so much and so deeply."

Rinoa nearly choked. "You think he _loves_ me?"

Her question actually had Edea laughing, albeit in a subdued manner. "Honey, he walked over international borders to a city he couldn't even be sure was there, went directly to a foreign government, and then to space, to save you, and then went up against one of the most technologically advanced political powers to save you again. I don't think there's much question."

"Well, when you put it that way…"

"How else would you put it?"

"I don't know." Rinoa shrugged helplessly. "I mean, it's Squall. He acts all broody and like he doesn't care about anyone else, but he always ends up doing the right thing whether he wants to or not. For him, 'duty' is just… habitual."

"I don't think the things he's done for you fall under what most would consider his professional duty," Edea pointed out. "And I think you know that too. What's really bothering you, Rinoa?"

She struggled for some moments, before ultimately giving in and slumping in defeat. "I don't want to be a burden," she said quietly. "Not on Squall or anyone else. I've always tried to make myself useful, but now there's just… so much that I don't know or understand. And now that I'm a sorceress, I don't know what that means I should be doing or…"

"It's overwhelming, I know," Edea comforted. "Looking at it on such a grand scale can be daunting. I learned that it was easier to start small. I know you're used to thinking of big ideas and what's going to make the biggest difference—your involvement with the Timber Owls is evidence enough of that—but taking a step back and starting somewhere small will give you the time and concentration to slowly begin answering those bigger questions."

Small?" Rinoa asked. Truth be told, she really wasn't used to thinking that way. She'd been raised by a general. Her mother had been a famous singer. She'd just defeated a powerful sorceress and been involved in all sorts of government upheavals. Even as a child, she'd made everything in her life an event. Down to her relationships. There was a reason she'd held so tightly and for so long to her summer fling with Seifer. It was after she'd realized her feelings for Squall, and how quietly they'd come about, that she'd understood just how foolish of a romantic she could be.

Yes, there'd been plenty of things between her and Squall that could be perceived as romantic from the outside, but having experienced them led her to view such occurrences… very differently. Maybe Squall saving her life and going out into space and breaking into the sorceress memorial would seem like great, romantic gestures to some people, but all she really remembered from those events was a sense of terror that was eventually followed by uneasy relief.

Squall was not romantic and though they'd shared a few quiet moments together since they'd met, he wasn't the type she'd have normally pursued. True, some of the things he'd said to her were "romantic"—even passionate—but he'd never said them for romance's sake. He'd said them because he'd meant them, and that had sobered her enough for her to realize just how silly of a girl she could be sometimes.

Not that being silly was a bad thing, but she couldn't avoid the life-altering things she'd gone through of late that had altered her outlook on and understanding of the world.

Which was why she felt then like she was liable to drown, because she was a person who had always made every decision swiftly and with confidence no matter the consequences, yet now she was left uncertain and more afraid than she'd ever been before. Afraid in a deep, coiling way that hollowed out her insides. It wasn't terror like when she'd been attacked in Deling, or when she'd thought she'd die in space. This felt so much heavier, and so much harder to find relief from.

"While it is a terrible truth, you must find a way to start a new life," Edea went on. "Word travels. It's already well-known that you are a sorceress. Hiding yourself and your powers in secrecy is not an option for you, unless you were to remove yourself to some remote location. Which you don't seem the type to want to do."

"No, I don't want to be alone," she admitted.

"Then what do you want?"

A question that should be easy to answer. "I want…" she trailed her finger over the banister. "I want to help people. And I don't want people to be afraid of me."

"Then let's think of a way you can help people," Edea said simply. "While at the same time allowing them to see that you're not something worthy of fear."

Rinoa cast her a questioning look.

"Come," Edea said, taking a step back toward the infirmary. "The world is in a sad state at the moment. Dr. Kadowaki is in over her head already, and we haven't even set out from FH. I doubt she would object to an assistant who is able to help patients without the aid of medicine or para-magic."

Rinoa stared at her for a long moment, considering, before finding her resolve. It was certainly a place to start and something she could do while still staying close to people she trusted. If she could be helpful, then that would be more than enough for the time being.

Following Edea back to the infirmary, she was mostly quiet as the former sorceress presented the idea to the doctor. Who seemed initially hesitant, if only because she'd "never had much use for untrained assistants in the past," but the whole "being able to heal without strings" bit seemed to sell her on the idea.

Rinoa admitted that she was still learning how to use her sorceress powers—that the only time she had any kind of real power was when she gave up her self-control—but that she was going to do her best to be better and that she'd be more than happy to focus on healing magic first.

An agreement was eventually reached, in which Edea agreed to teach Rinoa in the mornings in the use of her abilities, before she'd come in the afternoons to the infirmary to "help" Dr. Kadowaki in any way she could. It was a tentative, shaky sort of deal that depended on a lot of variables Rinoa wasn't sure she could control, but it was a start.

With the promise to see one another the following morning, Edea let her go. And so Rinoa headed back out, Angelo at her side. She wasn't entirely sure where she should go for the remainder of her free day, and was about to go in the direction of the library when familiar, spiky blonde hair flitted between a group of students, only for Zell's smiling, tattooed face to come into view.

He was waving rather exuberantly, which pulled a smile to Rinoa's own face as she came to a stop and waited.

"I was lookin' for you!" he said as he came to a huffing stop in front of her.

Angelo barked up at him, tail wagging.

"You're all dressed up," Rinoa pointed out, not used to seeing Zell (or any of her friends) in their SeeD uniforms.

"Oh, yeah," he looked quickly down at himself. "Had a meeting with the commander this morning, so I figured I better look the part."

"The 'commander?'" Rinoa asked, clearly amused. Not that Zell really caught on to such.

"Squall, you know?" he said, before continuing. "Guess it's his full-time job now. Not that I'm surprised—most everyone I've talked to is really excited about him taking over. I mean, I always knew he was popular, but—"

"Squall was popular? Before?"

"Well, ya know, in that 'wow, isn't he so cool and great' kind of way."

"Ah, right." Not that Rinoa was surprised. She supposed Squall's image did have a certain kind of allure to it, though she was doubting he'd ever initiated it intentionally. "What was your meeting about?" she went on.

"Oh, ah…" Zell shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, SeeD stuff. I'm sure he'll talk to you about it later. Oh, hey, you wanna go to lunch?"

"It's barely eleven-thirty, Zell…"

"I know! If we don't hurry, all the hotdogs in the cafeteria are gonna be gone!"

Laughing, she ultimately agreed to join him, the two heading off in the direction of the cafeteria while Angelo followed dutifully behind. Truth be told, Rinoa was relieved to be with Zell. Not only was he good for conversation, but she felt more… secure with him there. Like the way people watched her and stared didn't matter so long as she was with him. He was a SeeD and her friend, sorceress powers seemingly irrelevant. At least for a little while.

"Squall was up pretty early this morning then, huh?" she asked as they walked.

"Oh yeah. From what Xu said, he's been up there with Cid all morning. Working, I guess, though I don't know on what exactly. All kinds of official stuff I'd imagine—stuff that's way above my paygrade, that's for sure."

"You think?"

"Oh yeah! Don't get me wrong, I like being a SeeD, but I wouldn't want to be _Commander_. I mean, the world's a giant mess right now, you know? I bet there's a ton that Squall has to take care of. He's kind of a big deal these days."

"I… suppose he is…" Which she knew, sort of. But it was also a bit like whiplash. So much had happened since she'd met Squall and all her Garden friends. It was hard to believe that only six months before, she'd been asking Squall for a dance the night of his promotion. Only six months and he'd gone from rookie SeeD to Commander. And she'd gone from resistance fighter to sorceress. It felt both like it'd taken only days, but also years and years.

Or perhaps she was still recovering from their adventures through time.

"Crazy, everything that's happened," Zell continued. "The whole world is upside-down, it seems like."

"It feels a bit like a dream, doesn't it?" she asked. "Who knew this was where we'd end up…"

"Sounds like you guys are gettin' awfully deep over here." Turning to the right, both Zell and Rinoa watched as Irvine came up beside them, that lackadaisical smile in place as he tipped his hat in their direction. "Headed to the cafeteria? Mind if I join you?"

"Please do!" Rinoa said happily, a sense of normalcy finally beginning to settle over her. No matter what the rest of the world eventually did or said, her friends still looked at her the same way.

"Squall doesn't have you busy?" Zell asked, the three of them heading through the large doorway leading into the cafeteria.

"Nah. Not yet anyway. Said he's gonna push through the papers to make me an official SeeD. I expect he'll have plenty for me to do after that."

"So you're staying here?" Rinoa asked.

"That's the plan! Unless Galbadia has something to say about it, but Squall pretty much told me he'd make it happen one way or another."

"And you believe he can do that?"

Irvine cocked an eyebrow at her. "I think Squall can pretty much do whatever he wants at the moment," he replied as the three of them lined up for food. "Galbadia is all sorts of messed up. Esthar was practically decimated by the Lunar Cry. Balamb Garden is the only force to be reckoned with at the moment. Everybody else is no doubt running around like chickens with their heads cut off."

"They won't stay like that for long," Rinoa said as she took a tray and followed Zell along for food.

"Maybe not, but I don't really think that's the point," Irvine replied.

Rinoa cast him a curious look. "The point?"

"Everyone's still waiting to see what Balamb Garden is gonna do," he reasoned. "That's the point."

It wasn't a very clear point, even if it was true. But she tried to look on the positive side besides.

"It's nice that you all have so much faith in Squall." Mostly because she knew he was probably having all sorts of doubts. It was likely for the best that he was busy working—it'd give him less time to sit and stew.

"That's how it's always been," Irvine said, once they'd gotten their food and were walking off in search of a table (Zell had managed to snag _two_ hotdogs, much to his obvious glee). "Even back in the orphanage."

Zell had already taken a bite as they sat down around a small table. Chewing and swallowing, he gave Irvine a rather dubious look. "You sure do remember a lot about all that."

"Well, unlike you idiots, I remove my GFs when we're not looking to be in any fights." He stared at Zell as if he knew better, which had the other boy appearing quite sheepish as he stared down at his lunch.

Poking some at her salad, Rinoa waited for Irvine to continue.

"Squall never had much to do with us back in the orphanage either," he went on. "Always off by himself moping about Sis. But when Seifer had caused too much of a ruckus and Zell was crying and Quistis was doing her best to try and calm everyone down, Squall would always step in and put Seifer back in his place. Then he'd tell the rest of us that we were all stupid and that we'd better straighten up before Sis came back."

"How inspiring," Rinoa joked.

"Well, he was certainly direct," Irvine replied. "But the point is, he was always… I dunno, on a different wavelength than the rest of us. While we were all setting off fireworks, he was contemplating his place in the universe or something. Point is, when Squall said something, everybody listened. And I guess that's why I trust him now, sort of. He was always doing his best back then and I have faith he's doing his best now."

"I just figure Squall's a decent guy," Zell interjected. "He's gotten us this far. And, like… he's a lot braver than I am. And he's always jumping in even when it's dangerous. I guess I aspire to be like that."

"You guys should tell him these things," Rinoa said. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

"Or he'd just give us that uncomfortable, constipated look he gets anytime anyone tries to be nice to him," Irvine pointed out, which had Zell barking out a laugh.

"Well…" Rinoa shrugged. "You're probably right. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it anyway."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." Irvine mock-saluted her, so she cast him a short glare.

"Man, thinkin' about the orphanage just reminds me that I still have to talk to my ma and pa about that whole thing," Zell said, staring down at his hotdog rather forlornly. "I hope they're not upset that I know the truth…"

"They'll probably be more upset when they find out why you forgot in the first place," Irvine muttered.

It was Zell's turn to glare.

"If you guys were all orphans together, then you probably didn't know your birth parents, right?" Rinoa asked, finding herself suddenly curious. While she hadn't grown up in an orphanage, her story wasn't so different in some respects. She'd lost her mother at a young age, after all, and her father had never exactly been the "parental" type.

"I've got no idea about my birth parents," Zell admitted.

"Your parents were killed in a boat accident," Irvine supplied easily enough, which had Zell sighing in exasperation. "What?! You used to cry about it all the time! You were one of the last ones to show up at the orphanage and one of the first ones to get adopted. We were all war babies and then there was Zell in his rich-kid suspenders always crying about wanting his mum."

"You're the worst," Zell said petulantly.

"What about your parents?" Rinoa asked.

"My parents were Galbadian soldiers, both. Killed in combat. I was livin' with my grandma when it happened, but she was old and didn't last much longer. So I was shipped off! That's why I went to Galbadia Garden. Guess I thought it made me closer to my parents or something."

"Guess you just know everything then, huh?" Zell asked rather sarcastically.

"Sure do!" Irvine agreed. "Let's see… Quistis' parents were killed like Elle's parents. Esthar wanted all the little girls in town and they refused, so, you know, dead. Selphie… Selphie's parents were weird. They were, like, Estharian scientists or something that deserted and then they, like, died in an experiment. But they had Selphie with them so when someone investigated the sight, they found her? Something like that. Seifer's dad died in combat like mine, and I guess his mom killed herself afterward."

"Okay, now hold on," Zell cut in. "There's no way you just 'remember' all this stuff."

"Sure I do."

"Irvine…" Rinoa said his name warningly, finding that she quite agreed with Zell.

Irvine sighed. "Yeah, okay. So I thought it was stupid that none of you guys remembered anything, so when the Garden was docked at FH going through repairs, I snuck into the records room and looked you guys up—just so I could verify that you were all crazy and I was the only sane one."

"Irvine!" Rinoa didn't know whether she should be horrified by his blatant disregard for privacy or impressed. Zell, meanwhile, could only gape.

"You could be expelled for that!" Zell eventually hissed out.

"Expelled from a school I don't go to?" Irvine pointed out.

"I'm gonna tell Squall not to make you a SeeD and send you back to where you came from," Zell decided. "You're a bad example."

"You should be grateful! Squall's file was the best one!" He waggled his eyebrows teasingly, while Rinoa found herself quickly brought up into seriousness.

"Don't say anything about it," she said, despite wanting desperately to hear what he had to say. "You know how he is about keeping his business his own. If he wanted anyone to know, he'd say something."

"Except that he probably doesn't know a thing about it," Irvine said, lowering his voice as if he were spilling some great secret. "Squall was the only one of us back at the orphanage that didn't know a thing about his parents. We'd all talk about ours and then we'd ask him and he'd always say 'I don't know anything about my parents,' then he'd call us stupid and leave."

"Then there's nothing to tell," Zell said simply.

"Except that his file spelled out a rather different story."

"Irvine…" Rinoa said warningly.

"Look, normally I'd say you're right and I should keep it to myself, but…" Taking a deep breath, he looked suddenly solemn as he leaned forward, as if trying to be a bit more discreet. "I think it might be kind of a big deal."

"What do you mean?" Zell asked, looking both cautious and interested.

"Well, his file said—"

"Irvine!" Rinoa snapped.

"Once I tell you, you'll understand," he hissed back before continuing. "His file said that he showed up to the orphanage as a baby _with_ Ellone. Like, they came as a package deal. Almost like they were…" He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"They were?" But Zell wasn't getting it.

Rinoa, meanwhile, was more than capable of putting the pieces together, a sort of chill overcoming her person at Irvine's implication.

"Like they were actual siblings," Irvine finished.

"Yeah, but we all know that Sis is Ellone and she was raised by—OH MY GOD!" Zell was finally there, his eyes bugged wide. Irvine shushed him, while Rinoa felt her stomach turn with nausea.

"Exactly," Irvine hissed out. "Raine and President Laguna were married some time before he left to go after Ellone. So then he finds her, sends her back to Winhill, and shortly after that, Ellone shows up at the orphanage with baby Squall."

"So that means Squall is President La—"

"We need to stop talking about this right now," Rinoa cut in, her severe tone silencing them both. "If someone overhears, it'll be really bad."

"Yeah, but—"

"I'm serious," she said, interrupting Zell once again. "If what you're saying is true, then that means the Commander of Balamb Garden has an intimate connection with the president of Esthar, one that he's been covering up."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know," Irvine pointed out.

"That's not how the rest of the world will see it," she replied swiftly, which seemed to pacify them both. "Neither of you are to ever bring this up again. _Especially_ to Squall."

"But… doesn't he have the right to know?" Zell asked quietly. "Like, if it's true, then that means he's not an orphan at all…"

Rinoa took a deep breath in through her nose. "I'll talk to him," she decided. "But that still means you guys need to keep your mouths shut about it," she reiterated. "Don't say another word."

Though he didn't look too happy about it, Irvine nodded, which was followed by the same agreement from Zell.

Finding that she'd quite lost her appetite, Rinoa abandoned her meal for the boys to take care of and instead headed directly out the same way they'd come in. Angelo followed at her heels and she noted as she left that there was a sign near the door that specifically said no animals were allowed in the cafeteria.

Yet no one had stopped her. Interesting.

Ignoring the stray thought, she instead put her focus entirely on Squall. Whether he liked it or not, it looked like his future career was going to be one of a political nature. And as someone who had grown up inside her father's politics, Rinoa knew firsthand how quickly scandal of this nature could hurt someone's interests. There was a reason her own father had been so against her joining the Timber Resistance, her own safety aside.

Fact was, if Irvine could figure this out, then the reporters no doubt intent on digging up whatever they could find could do the same thing. And while Squall's reputation was, of course, something she wanted to preserve and protect, she also didn't want him to be blindsided by such personal information in some sort of public place or other.

He needed to know. And he needed to know as soon as possible so as to figure out how best to deal with it before it became the next big headline.

Did President Loire know, she wondered? He had to. Certainly Ellone had told him. Besides, hadn't he wanted to talk to Squall about something following their battle with Ultimecia? This had to be it.

Determined, Rinoa headed directly around to the front of the Garden, intent on the elevator that would lead her up to Squall's office. Ignoring any attention she gathered on the way, she skipped up the stairs and perhaps pushed the up button a little too severely. She found herself rather impatient as she waited, the elevator doors opening some thirty seconds later to a set of some dozen students leaving their morning classes. Standing in place as they exited, Rinoa refused to meet their gazes as they looked her up and down, some of them warily while others actively skirted back as if trying to get as far away from her as possible.

Stepping in, Rinoa found that she and Angelo were quite alone as she directed the elevator to the third floor. Pushing back on her own anxiety and stress, she kept Squall in the forefront of her thoughts. She had to stay focused on him, for his sake. Her own problems could wait.

She was determined that they would wait.

The elevator dinged as she arrived, the doors opening to reveal the third floor office.

What she had not expected—though perhaps she should have anticipated—was to find that Squall was quite surrounded by other people as she rounded the lift to where his desk was situated before the grand windows sitting behind.

Both Xu and Quistis were there, as was Cid, though he was standing some off to the side. Squall was behind his desk, diligently writing while Xu hovered some over his shoulder. Quistis appeared to be waiting, a stack of files held in her arms. As if she were waiting in line to get a word in with their commander.

Bracing herself, Rinoa ignored any nerves that wanted to have her turning to leave. Instead, she came up beside Quistis, clearly taking the other woman by surprise.

"Rinoa!" she said, though her voice remained quite subdued, failing to draw Squall's attention. He was still quite focused on writing whatever it was that Xu was muttering to him about.

"Looks like you're all quite busy up here," she said, hands folded in front of her as she watched Squall.

"Uh, yes, quite," Quistis agreed. "It seems like we've been working all morning and have barely gotten anything done."

Rinoa cast her a sympathetic look.

"Did you need something?" Quistis asked a second later.

"I need to talk to Squall," she said simply, which had Quistis looking at her with some fragment of disapproval.

"He's very busy, Rinoa…"

"It's a matter of some personal urgency," she replied, not wholly surprised that Quistis would think she'd come on behalf of some frivolous matter. Sure, she and Quistis were friends, but they didn't get on quite so well as Rinoa did with the others. She was sure Quistis respected her, but also likely thought she could be quite silly at times, at least in comparison to Quistis herself.

Rinoa sometimes wondered if there was some resentment on Quistis' side as well. She'd claimed her feelings for Squall had turned out to be entirely sisterly, but Rinoa had her doubts.

"Personal urgency?" Quistis asked curiously, as if expecting Rinoa to elaborate. When she did not, she became only more curious.

Finally, Squall looked up from his work. He appeared rather annoyed, but upon catching sight of Rinoa, his demeanor lightened considerably. As if a giant weight had been abruptly lifted from his shoulders. She smiled, ignoring the exasperated sigh that left Xu as she approached Squall's desk.

"It's about time you took a lunch break, isn't it?" she asked.

Xu looked like she might object, but Rinoa cast her a severe look that did quite well in shutting the other woman's mouth before a single word could escape.

"Lunch, right," Squall said, shoulders dropping as that weight began to leak back onto his person.

"Thirty minutes," Rinoa baited.

"Twenty," Xu said stiffly.

Rinoa's stink-eye turned to a glare as she looked back at the other woman. "Twenty-five."

"I think I could use a half-hour break," Squall decided, sufficiently settling the matter.

"You could look over these stats as you eat?" Quistis asked, holding up her stack of documents.

"No, I need to speak with Squall," Rinoa cut in. "Alone."

She hadn't meant to sound so strict, but clearly her tone had the desired effect. Xu huffed, but nodded, while Quistis smiled at her in surrender before setting the files down on Squall's desk.

"I'll be back in thirty minutes," Xu said simply, before she headed around Squall's desk and marched toward the elevator. Quistis waved to them in a friendly manner before turning to do the same, which left Squall to release a heavy sigh as he sank back in his chair.

"Very good," Cid said as he passed closely by Rinoa. He smiled as he did, patting her lightly on the arm before he followed the other two out.

Rinoa turned to watch them, somewhat comforted by Cid's encouragement. It wasn't until she was certain she and Squall were alone that she set her attention back on her Commander.

"I'm not really that hungry, truth be told," he said, which inspired Rinoa to cast him a small smile.

"Busy, huh?" she asked.

Leaning forward on the desk, he merely groaned as he leaned his elbows on some papers and covered his face with his hands.

Which had Rinoa feeling rather bad about what she knew she had to tell him.

"It's been a long day so far," he said after a moment.

"Not allowed any vacation time after the battle?" Rinoa half-joked.

"Apparently the world can't afford me any," he said, lowering his hands to his desk as he looked up at her. They were quiet for a moment, Rinoa still wearing a small smile as Squall seemingly searched her expression. Eventually, his cheeks pinked before he side-tracked his gaze elsewhere.

"You're not here to talk about last night, are you?" he asked.

Which had Rinoa furrowing her brows curiously. "Last night?" she asked, before realizing what he was talking about. The party, of course. When he'd finally gotten up the courage to kiss her. And while Rinoa was thrilled that he'd decided to make a move, she couldn't say there was much that needed talking about. At least, not from her side of things. She'd kissed plenty of boys—not that Squall needed to know that. But she supposed she wasn't surprised that he was so… nervous about it.

While he'd never said as much, Rinoa was pretty certain the kiss they'd shared the night before had been his first one. SeeD—especially anti-social ones—weren't exactly encouraged to find romantic partners, or so Seifer had once told her.

"No, I'm not here to talk to you about 'last night,'" she said teasingly, which earned her a glare from Squall. "Last night was fine."

"Fine?" he asked. "That's—Just _fine_?"

"Squall, it was a kiss, not the world-cup of tonsil tag," she said simply, which only irritated him more (as she'd intended). Shoving some of his papers aside, she sat back on top of his desk and did her best to look pretty.

He just leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest in disapproval. "What do you want?"

She batted her eyelashes. "Tell me I'm beautiful."

"No."

She flicked her hair over her shoulder. "Tell me I'm perfect."

"I try not to lie when I can help it."

"Tell me you love me."

He scrunched up his nose, clearly made uncomfortable by that one. "I—You—"

"Tell me," she insisted.

"No."

She frowned. "Rude."

"Rinoa…" he said, sounding both exasperated and a little—just a little—amused. If Squall could sound amused at all, but Rinoa fancied she was getting pretty good at differentiating the tones of his voice.

"_Fine_," she gave in, slumping as she returned to the serious topic at hand. "But you're not going to like what I have to say."

"I haven't liked what anyone's had to say all morning, so it's all just more of the same."

Gritting her teeth, Rinoa stood and paced a bit before his desk. "But you're _really_ not going to like this."

Which finally seemed to really get his attention. "Rinoa," he said, frowning, "what's going on?"

Snapping her fingers, Rinoa tried to figure out the best place to start. "So I was talking with Zell and Irvine just a little bit ago. And we were talking about how you all grew up in the orphanage together."

"Yeah?"

"And Irvine admitted that when he realized none of you guys remembered, he snuck into the Balamb Garden record room and looked up everyone's files, just to verify that he was right, I guess."

Squall's expression darkened. "He did _what_?"

"But that's not what I have to tell you," she said quickly. "Forget Irvine, he's not important."

Squall growled, but stayed quiet.

"So Irvine was looking at your file, because, obviously, why wouldn't he. And I guess he found some information that I think you should probably know." She cringed, but Squall didn't appear the least bit bothered.

"Rinoa, I know what's in my own file," he said simply.

"You do?"

"Yeah. Though I don't know what you, or Irvine, think is in it that could possibly warrant this conversation."

Which told Rinoa that he likely didn't know.

"Look, Squall, it isn't so much what's in your file as what it means," she explained, which perplexed him further. "So… Okay. So Irvine was telling Zell and I all this information that he shouldn't have been, basically about everyone's parents and how they all died, right?"

"Okay. So I'm definitely going to talk to him about Balamb privacy protocols," Squall said tightly. "But what does that have to do with me? There's no information about my parents in my file. I don't even know who my parents are or how they died."

"Right, well, that's the thing," Rinoa said slowly. "Irvine's says that, in your file, it says you showed up as a baby to Edea's orphanage. That you and Ellone came together."

"Yeah," he agreed. "We arrived on the same day. What's your point?"

"No, you don't understand," she said. Releasing a light sigh of her own, she came around to his side of the desk and sat back on the edge. "Your file didn't say you arrived on the same day, it said you arrived _with_ her."

"Yeah," he agreed again. "We were probably on the same ship."

"No, Squall." Reaching up, Rinoa pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. "Irvine said it was like you two arrived _together_, like a 'package deal.' Like you both came from the same place."

A statement that had Squall watching her with growing suspicion. "Okay…"

"So…?" Rinoa was kind of hoping that he'd figure it out himself, but she wasn't surprised that he clearly wasn't getting that far. "So if President Loire sent Ellone back to Winhill, only for Raine to die and her to get shipped off to Edea's orphanage with you, what do you think that means?"

He narrowed his eyes, Rinoa practically able to see the way the gears of his brain were turning.

"It means I was born in Winhill," he said. And then said nothing more.

"Squall…"

"That's all that it means," he said, this time sounding a bit defensive. Turning away from her, he took a breath that ended on a somewhat shaky note, before he started rifling through the papers on his desk.

"That's not all…" Rinoa said quietly.

"Look," he said, slamming his hands somewhat harshly down upon the desk. "I don't have the time to be thinking about this right now. I'm going to be lucky if I even get any sleep tonight. I can't… add anything else to my list of stuff to deal with."

"I know," Rinoa said, swallowing hard as she did. "I'm just thought you should know, in case it comes up."

He looked back up at her. "'Comes up?' How is this going to 'come up' at all?"

"If Irvine can figure it out, then other people can too," she replied.

"He looked through my private information," Squall pointed out.

"But it's information that might be elsewhere too," she replied. "In Winhill, in records somewhere else. People are going to be digging up as much information about you as they can get, be it in support of you or because they're trying to hurt you. And if someone figures this out and thinks you're keeping it from people on purpose—"

"Keeping it—Why would I be keeping anything from people?"

"Because you're the commander of Garden and Laguna is the president of Esthar," she said straight, feeling somewhat bad at how he flinched away from her words. "We've been working quite closely with Esthar of late. If people find out about this, then—"

"You don't even know if it's true," Squall countered. "It's probably not."

"Squall!"

"That's just not how it works, okay?!" he said, voice a little louder as he pushed back from his desk and practically threw himself into standing. "You don't grow up an orphan your whole life and then find out—He's the _president_ of _Esthar_, Rinoa. It's just not true."

"You don't know that. At the very least, you need to make sure."

"Make sure?!" He gaped. "What am I supposed to do, just call him up and ask?"

"Yes!"

"No! I can't do that! He's—No!"

"Then ask Ellone."

"No. No! I'm not doing it."

"And what about when someone finds out and asks you about it. What're you gonna do then?"

"No one's going to find out, because there's nothing to find out!"

Rinoa huffed. "Someone _will_ find out. They _always_ do. Trust me, I've grown up in this sort of world. And if you don't deal with this now, you'll have to deal with it later. Which will only make it that much worse."

"There's nothing to deal with, Rinoa."

Pursing her lips, Rinoa stared at him as he stared at her for some seconds, before she finally tore her gaze away. "Fine." Pushing herself off the desk, she turned away. "But don't say I didn't try to warn you." She was about to walk off, back to the elevator, and it was only the sound of Squall's growl that had her turning back his way.

"You don't understand!" he snapped. "You can't just waltz up here and say something like that without any proof!"

"Gossip columns don't need proof, Squall!"

"Well I do!" he yelled, which had Rinoa flinching back in surprise. Sure, she and Squall argued plenty, but he'd never yelled at her before. Raised his voice, sure, but never to this extent.

He seemed to realize as much as well, his own hand coming up to sift through his hair as he took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

"You don't get it," he said quietly. "You know who your parents are, even if your mother is gone. I made peace a long time ago with the fact that I'd never know who my parents were or what happened to them or why I ended up… alone. I'm not about to… open up that kind of… I'm not about to get back into that because of some assumption that Irvine made based on information that might or might not be right."

"It's still worth looking into," Rinoa reasoned.

"No, it's not," he said, sounding almost desperate as he looked at her. "It's not worth—It's not…" It was like he couldn't even say it, like there was something inside of him physically pulling back on his words.

"Squall…?"

"It's not worth the disappointment," he finally said, the words a little rushed and far too bloated with everything else he wasn't saying. "Can you go now? I need—I need to be alone for a few minutes."

Opening her mouth, Rinoa wanted to say something, but found that she didn't know what there was to say. Instead, she settled for nodding, before wavering just a second longer in place before turning and walking herself out.

She turned to look at him just as she was about to round the lift shaft, but he was facing away. He was staring out the windows, his back stiff and his person unreadable.

Despite knowing that he'd had to know, Rinoa found herself feeling abruptly guilty over the whole thing.

_**A/N: **Guess I'm jumpin' on that FF8 hype train._


	3. Chapter 3: Real Truths

**Chapter 3: Real Truths and Hard Reactions**

Squall poured himself into work for the rest of the day. Prior, he'd been merely putting up with it, but dedicating himself fully to everything that needed to be done was far better than dwelling on the conversation he'd had with Rinoa. He'd read every report and listened to every word about the status of Garden. Selphie had gotten her team together for Trabia and so he'd reviewed every candidate she'd proposed. All the students were accounted for by the end of the day, Quistis had said, so things could resume as normal. Did he want the Galbadian students that had snuck on board during the battle to be reviewed for classes? Yes. Survey all of them and figure out what they wanted to do. They didn't have enough stores to leave that day, but Xu and Nida had arranged with FH to have everything the needed delivered the following morning. Which would make it possible for them to head out to Trabia by early afternoon.

Great. Wonderful. _Perfect_.

He'd received an email from General Caraway, who wanted to talk to him privately at his earliest convenience. What was the current political landscape of Galbadia? Where did Caraway stand in all that? (Was this about Rinoa?) He needed all that information as soon as possible.

Resistance factions in Timber and Dollet were gathering? Great. He needed as much intel as he could get on that too.

There was an email from Kiros? Esthar was having difficulty dealing with the aftermath of the Lunar Cry? Fine, get a team of SeeDs together and brief them for a long mission in Esthar before they left FH. Esthar was willing to pay generously, after all, and it was more convenient for the team to head off from FH than from Trabia.

Another email from Trabia asking about supplies. He told them they were on their way.

It was one thing after another after another. Long after he'd sent Quists and Xu from his office and long after Cid had quietly vacated, he was still staring at his computer, drafting email replies and sending them off, only for more to come flitting into his inbox.

It was dark, the stars outside the grand windows behind him twinkling as he typed away. There was a lamp on his desk that Cid had switched on as he'd left, but aside from that and his monitor, there was no other light source in the office.

He could feel the way his eyes were straining as he kept working. He was tired—he'd been tired when he'd woken up that morning. But there was so much to do and so much that he didn't want to be left thinking about.

Yet no matter his efforts and the amount of work to be done, he still found himself coming to a jarringly abrupt halt when yet another email came popping into his inbox.

It wasn't wrapped up in the official jargon that all the other Estharian emails he'd dealt with that day had been, but it was nonetheless clearly from Esthar. . Subject: Personal Matters—Laguna Loire.

Closing his eyes, Squall rubbed at his temples and took a few moments to steady his breathing, even if his heart had been beating at a record rate all day. It'd been the rhythm that had kept him going, the constant throbbing inside his veins. Still it was echoing inside him, making his fingers tingle and his legs feel like jello. Shaky and tired in a way he hadn't felt in a long, long time. He was a SeeD, after all—he'd been trained not to succumb to his nerves.

He looked again at the email, heart hiccupping at the sight of it. Clearly, it was from the president of Esthar. He had a responsibility to open it.

But he really, really didn't want to, even if the curiosity in the back of his thoughts was slowly rising up from a deep slumber that he'd never thought it'd wake from again.

No. No, no, no, he needed to be doing literally anything else but looking at that email.

Shoving himself away from the desk, he stood, momentarily deciding that any work that needed doing on the computer was fine to wait for a while. Instead, he paced back to the window, staring out at the stars while the ocean lapped at the Garden's base below.

Great view, but not nearly distracting enough.

Turning away, he glanced again at the computer before tearing himself away and walking across the office. To the tall double doors on the left, which he knew led into Cid's old quarters. He hadn't been inside yet, but it seemed just as good a time as any to investigate. Touching the pad on the right, the doors slid to either side, opening without any fuss. While inside, the lights flicked on, revealing the room in its entirety.

He half expected it to be full of Cid's things, whatever those things might have been. But it was actually quite barren. Spacious, but… empty.

There was a large bed to his direct right, the shelves that lined the wall and went around the corner completely bare. Tall windows started just a little off the corner of the bed, stretching up and down the length of the wall and leading all the way around the far side of the room, which was circular in shape (no corner). A few couches and some coffee tables were set up beneath the shadow of the windows, as if Squall was expected to have guests or something.

On the left side there was a small kitchenette, which was equally as bare as everything else. Down from that and closer to him was another door, which he suspected led into a bathroom.

All that aside, there was… nothing. It felt less like it was new and more like someone had just packed up all their stuff and left. A furnished apartment that he'd never hope to fill with his own few belongings.

Really, it was altogether too big. Much bigger than any room he'd ever lived in during the entirety of his life. And there was so much empty space between the bed and the couches and the kitchenette. Perhaps a dining table was meant to go somewhere, and maybe more… stuff? What stuff?

He didn't have any stuff.

Sighing, he spared the room only another quick look around before he dragged himself to the bed. He eyed it for a second, noting that the sheets looked fresh, before he gave in and sat down on the edge.

It was so large—clearly meant for more than one person.

Zell had suggested he invite Rinoa to come live there with him. Which was a thought, but also left him rather… red with embarrassment. And so then he felt childish and stupid, because he was Balamb Garden's commander and he'd just spent the entire day making all kinds of big, important decisions, only to sit down on a bed that didn't really feel like his own and get flustered over the idea of a girl sleeping nearby.

How was it that he could feel incredibly old and altogether too young all at once?

Slipping his boots off his feet, he left them lying beside the bed. He slid off his gunblade and jacket next, wondering if perhaps he should put them away somewhere. But he had no idea where yet and so decided to just leave them on the floor beside his boots.

Pulling himself into the bed, he laid out flat and stared up at the ceiling. An unfamiliar ceiling.

He didn't even feel like himself anymore. All of a sudden, people were expecting him to give the orders, but all he'd ever done was take orders. No, he didn't always follow them, and sure, he'd occasionally take matters into his own hands when the time called for it, but that wasn't the same as just…

Ugh, the whole thing was just too complicated to think about. It was like he'd been thrust into this without a choice. Everyone just expected him to do well, despite the fact that he apparently hadn't been paying attention when everyone had decided he was the one qualified to take on the world and all its issues. One moment he'd been a rookie SeeD and the next he was sleeping in Headmaster Cid's old bed.

How had this even happened?

Was this how Laguna had ended up as president of Esthar?

Cursing himself for even thinking about the man, Squall turned over onto his side and pulled his knees up in front of his stomach. He didn't want to be thinking about Laguna. What he should be doing is sleeping, if he wasn't going to be working.

Yet he didn't feel the least bit tired despite it being well-past midnight. He was just too anxious and jittery and his thoughts were running too quickly through his brain. Which he hated, because he knew this feeling well. Mostly, it meant he was going to be tired, because the odds of him getting any sleep were slim to none.

So maybe he should go back to work. But that _email_ was still there.

The email from Laguna about "Personal Matters."

Which he shouldn't be so afraid to read, really, because it didn't matter what ridiculous idea Rinoa and Irvine had concocted, none of it held any validity. He wasn't sure how anyone could come to the conclusion they had, really. Especially after having met both him and President Loire.

They had absolutely nothing in common. Laguna was an idiot, plain and simple.

While Squall…

Well, maybe he was a bit of an idiot sometimes too, but not in the same way Laguna was an idiot. Laguna was always coming up with these harebrained ideas and saying stupid things and getting into all kinds of trouble. Like becoming president of Esthar for hyne's sake. While Squall, well, he didn't have much in the way of ideas because he wasn't qualified to have ideas. And if he did have ideas, they'd probably be bad ones (like Laguna's. Wait, no). And he never said stupid things because he rarely said things in general, so that put a cap on that. And all the trouble he got into was because someone was ordering him into it. Kind of.

Well… maybe some of it was his own fault too.

No! He didn't have anything in common with Laguna aside from the fact that they'd both been put up in positions neither were in any way qualified to be in. That was where the similarities ended.

Laguna was this daft, incredibly optimistic airhead and Squall was definitely neither of those things. He was never optimistic and if he did sometimes have stupid ideas, he certainly didn't voice them out loud.

And the differences hardly ended there. Laguna was, well, he was upbeat and likable and generally pleasant to be around, if not annoying and talkative. While Squall was basically the opposite. He was stern and serious and people didn't like being around him. And he definitely wasn't talkative, even if Rinoa sometimes said that made him annoying in his own way. They were on completely different poles as far as personality.

Squall owned that. He knew he was no fun to be around and that people didn't like him as a result. He'd embraced and crafted that part of himself for years, deciding a long time ago that if people didn't want to be around him, all the better. Distance was best. And while that mentality had fallen a bit to wayside of late—what with all these people deciding they were his friends and him not minding—that didn't change any of it.

Right? Nobody liked him. End of story.

Except that, for some reason, people did like him. Because he had friends now and students were glad he was taking over and excited and they respected him and he didn't understand a bit of it. But maybe someone who could admit they were cold and mean wasn't really as cold and mean as they thought they were.

Who was he kidding? He wasn't cold, that's just what he wanted people to think. When all the other kids at the orphanage had forgotten about Elle, he'd hung on like a lovesick puppy, constantly heartbroken no matter how his child-brain had reasoned the situation. He was sensitive and emotional and he always had been and now there was so much pressure and stress and…

And he hadn't felt this overwhelmed in a long, long time. It was like he was constantly snowballing downhill and there was no end in sight. Become a SeeD, assassinate the sorceress, escape prison, save Garden, take over, war, Rinoa, space, Esthar, go through time, fight another sorceress, fix the world. Sometimes he felt like he hardly had enough time to breathe. It just kept piling and piling and he just…

Swallowing hard, he blinked some against the swell of emotions that was threatening to overcome him.

How was he supposed to handle all of this? Why had Cid decided that he was the right one for this job? After all, the headmaster had to know better. He'd watched Squall grow up, just like every other orphan that had been drafted into Garden because they'd had nowhere else to go. He'd had plenty of issues growing up. Always fighting with Seifer, getting hurt, crying in the infirmary and getting angry when other people tried to talk to him. He'd hardly been a good kid. He'd been explosive where Seifer had been temperamental, and he'd been just as much of a crybaby as Zell. Anti-social, mean.

Angry at the world.

(Or so he was gradually remembering, since he'd started removing his GFs when he wasn't immanently threatened by battle.)

Hyne, he'd been so angry all the time. Angry that this was his life, that he'd had no choice in any of it. Frustrated that he hadn't known how to relate to people, so he'd just pushed them away. Infuriated that every other orphan had known who their parents were and how they'd died, while he hadn't even had that. A sad way to measure yourself against others, but a fact of his existence nonetheless.

Of course he'd tried to look for his family. When he'd been old enough to comprehend such a thing, he'd looked through his own files. He'd looked through Galbadian records and attempted to trace his name and even checked archives with surnames even moderately similar to his own. But he'd found nothing.

Which was what he'd lived with his whole life.

_Nothing_.

If that was all his existence amounted to, then he'd been determined to be nothing. He'd be close to no one and just do as he was told. Alone. Clearly whatever family he'd come from hadn't viewed him any differently, else he'd have found even something on who he was or where he'd come from. But maybe like him, they'd been nothing too.

Not worth it. Not worth a single thought in anyone else's head.

Well, that hadn't worked out, so now he was stuck wondering why everyone thought he was worth enough to follow when he knew for a fact that he was nothing. What did Rinoa even see in him? And who was he to entertain that maybe, after all these years, he wasn't as alone as he'd thought?

Because Laguna couldn't be… It just wasn't possible.

And even if it was, so what? Clearly, Laguna didn't want anything to do with him. He hadn't gone looking for him. Not like he had Ellone.

Not that any of it made a difference. It was too long too late. Squall was exactly the kind of person that Laguna wouldn't have wanted his child to become.

Just the thought had Squall squinting his eyes closed in pain. Shifting, he turned over onto his other side and pulled his knees up into his chest.

Laguna was this ray of annoyingly bright light and Squall was a dingy shadow in comparison. No, he didn't like Laguna (he didn't!), so he certainly didn't care what the other man thought of him. Which was for the best, because he was likely the only person on the entire planet that Laguna wouldn't be able to like.

Which was fine. Squall wasn't looking for validation from some ridiculous, sandal-wearing president that definitely wasn't related to him.

He didn't need Laguna. He'd gotten through life just fine without him and that wasn't likely to change anytime soon.

And who was he even kidding, thinking so hard about it? Fact was, none of this mattered because none of what Irvine and Rinoa were going on about was true!

It was fine if Laguna disliked him. Laguna could hate him and it didn't matter. He was the president of Esthar and Squall was the Commander of Garden. The extent of their relationship was professional, as it should be.

Which meant that whatever Laguna had to say about "Personal Matters" was, at best, ridiculous because _Laguna_ was ridiculous and, at worst, wholly inappropriate. Which only irritated Squall, because he had plenty of better things to do than worry about whatever personal issues Laguna had decided to share with him.

He had his own personal problems to deal with! He didn't want to be dealing with anyone else's! There was his job and Rinoa and his own ineptitude when it came to relationships. He and Rinoa had fought that very day! For all he knew, she was catching a clue that he wasn't worth her time (a voice in the back of his head whispered against such a thing, but he ignored it for the time being). Yet this idiotic president, who had no business being the president of anything, thought it was okay to send him an email with the subject "Personal Matters."

It was infuriating, really.

Sitting up, Squall fumed for a second before throwing his legs over the side of the bed and shoving himself to his feet. Marching back out into his office, he stared for a moment down at his computer, which had gone to sleep, before he slammed himself down into his chair and clicked the mouse in order to wake up the system.

It blinked back on within the moment, revealing his inbox and that email from Laguna still bolded underneath a few more emails he'd received while he'd been mulling things over.

He wanted to give Laguna a piece of his mind. Tell him off, even. He was the one out of line, emailing Squall about personal stuff when they were in no way on personal terms with each other. They weren't friends. They hardly knew each other and what Squall did know of Laguna he'd learned wholly against his will.

Yet even with this argument in mind, he hesitated as he brought his cursor over and allowed it to hover atop Laguna's email. He knew he was being stupid and that he shouldn't be taking anything Rinoa or Irvine said seriously. That he'd let the whole idea run away with him without any proof or reason made that perfectly clear.

Clicking on this email and reading it shouldn't be difficult. It didn't matter. None of it did.

Just open it!

Unknowingly holding his breath, Squall finally found the gumption to click on the email, finding himself quite ashamed of his behavior as soon as the deed was done. He could face a sorceress time and again, but he couldn't read a stupid email from Laguna?

Maybe he really did need to get some sleep.

Yet, even with this reasoning, he found his heart skipping a beat as he finally turned his attention to reading:

_Heya, Squall! (Or would you prefer Commander Leonhart? I don't really know what you'd like me to call you. You've been in my head after all, so that's pretty personal, but I wouldn't want to assume we're friends or anything. Also, I'm a lot older than you, obviously, so the whole thing might be kind of weird all around. Anyway!) _

Just seeing Laguna's normal string of idiocy—even written out—was calming Squall's nerves considerably.

_Hope I'm not interrupting anything important, you being in charge of Garden and all that. I heard that you were promoted pretty recently to Commander. You know, through the grapevine and the gossip trains and all that. I just wanted to offer you congratulations! It's a bit late, but better late than never, right? Anyway, I support you 100%, always. Just so you know! _

_ I'm not sending you this email about any sort of official business or anything like that. Don't think it's an emergency or anything! Everything's fine here. Well, aside from the monsters and the general destruction of the city and all the causalities, but we'll get through it, for sure! Nice of you to agree to send so many SeeDs too, that'll be a big help. If they're even a fraction as skilled as you and your friends, they'll have Esthar cleaned up in no time! _

_ Anyway, like I said, this email isn't about anything important. I just wanted to check in with you. Make sure everything over on your end is going good. Is it going good? It can't be going that badly I suppose—it's only been about a week since we saw each other last. But if you need anything, feel free to let me know. I was in a similar position once, becoming president of Esthar and all without much warning, so I definitely have a lot of experience winging this sort of thing. Not that I wing things at my job regularly. At least not anymore, HA! It all becomes quite dull after a while, you'll see. You've got lots of help besides. _

_ How are all your friends? And Rinoa? Is she doing alright after everything that's happened? Odine seemed a bit concerned, what with her having taken on so much power from so many sorceresses. But I told him that if anything was amiss, you'd have gotten in contact with us (with Odine more specifically, is what I meant). She seems like a nice girl. I'd like to get to know her a little better, seeing as she's a sorceress and all. Not that I'm afraid she's going to do anything bad or something, but, you know, can't hurt to stay on good terms. You should bring her around to the city once. Or twice. Or often. You and her and us could get together some. Besides, it'd probably be good for our international interests if we were seen getting along, don't you think? _

_ But you're probably very busy of course, so don't be in any sort of rush or anything on my behalf. Don't want to intrude, you know. Just trying to be friendly! Which I suppose you might not be the type to appreciate. Which is totally fine! You don't have to reply to this email, even. I won't take any offense to that as President, I promise. _

_ Well, in any case, that's about it! Again, hope everything is going well and it'd be great to hear from you!_

_\- Laguna Loire_

The contents of the email weren't exactly what Squall was expecting. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, really. Yet as he read it a second time, he supposed he couldn't claim to be surprised. And as he read it a third time, and a fourth time—and then a fifth time—he gradually realized what it was that kept inspiring him to read again.

That was, the rising disappointment slowly welling up inside his chest.

Maybe he had been expecting something more from the email. Perhaps Irvine and Rinoa had put ridiculous ideas in his head that he now found were leading him to hopes he'd told himself from the beginning were pointless.

What had he wanted to find? Some kind of confession that Laguna was everything he'd never thought he'd find?

Yeah, right. Besides, he didn't want Laguna to be his—

To be…

He didn't _need_ Laguna to be his father. He didn't need a father, period.

Sure, it'd be nice to know where he came from and maybe why he'd ended up an orphan, but he'd made peace with the whole situation a long time ago.

He had…

"Damn it all," Squall muttered to himself, clenching his fists atop the desk as he ripped his gaze from the computer. Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths and pushed back on the distress that was scraping at his throat. He swallowed it, shoving it back down and closing it up where it belonged.

Now he was the one being inappropriately ridiculous.

Taking the few minutes he apparently needed to compose himself, he didn't return his attention to the email until he was certain he could remain wholly composed, not even a sliver of emotion able to escape.

And so, with a deep breath, he read the email a sixth time and decided that he'd better reply. Laguna had said he didn't have to, but be that as it may, Laguna was the president of Esthar and not even Squall was socially inept enough to assume forgoing a reply would be appropriate.

But what did he even say?

He spent a lot of time then, drafting a reply that he ultimately didn't really like, but supposed would have to do:

_**President Loire, **_

_**Squall or Commander Leonhart is fine—I don't have a preference when it comes to how I'd prefer you refer to me. **_

_**While I am busy, I wouldn't consider an email from the President of Esthar any kind of untoward interruption, no matter the context. And thank you for the congratulations. Your support is very much appreciated. **_

_**The SeeDs you requested should be headed your way by tomorrow. If there's any further aid that you require, don't hesitate to say so. While I can't spare all of Garden's SeeDs, we will do any and all we can to support in Esthar's recovery. **_

_**Everything here is going as well as to be expected given all that's happened. I appreciate your offer of assistance and will keep it in mind for the future. **_

_**Everyone involved in the time-compression mission is recovering well, Sorceress Rinoa included. She doesn't seem to be suffering any ill-effects, but I'll pass on your concern nonetheless. And we'll be sure to contact Dr. Odine if anything unexpected arises. As far as visiting Esthar, arrangements can certainly be made. I'm sure I'll be meeting with many people in the future so rest assured I wouldn't do Esthar the insult of forgoing communications between us for long. There is still much to be dealt with all over the globe and I hope we can continue to be allies through it all. **_

_**Thank you again for contacting me—I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other in the future. **_

_**\- Commander Squall Leonhart **_

It was short and far more formal than Laguna's own email, but Squall wasn't sure what else there was to say. Certainly he had other things he'd _like_ to say or ask or even subtly inquire into, but he wasn't any good at that sort of thing. Besides, he didn't want to unintentionally offend the president of Esthar by implying anything wholly insane.

No, this was fine. It was polite and inoffensive.

It was… appropriate.

Ignoring his own nerves, Squall sent the email on its way before spending a few moments trying to decide how to sort Laguna's email. He ultimately decided it'd just go in his personal folder, which he didn't have. So he made one and then moved Laguna's email into it. It sat and looked quite lonely in the folder all on its own, but Squall didn't really feel like mixing it up with everything else.

Deciding to move on, he contemplated whether or not he should try and go back to bed, before ultimately choosing to stay and work a bit longer. Based on the emails he was still receiving, others around the world were still at work, so why shouldn't he be?

Most of the emails yet waiting were Garden related—from instructors and such, and so he replied to some, but forwarded a good chunk to Quistis. Yes, Squall knew how to work hard, but he wasn't the type to try and take on everything. If there was something he felt Quistis or Xu or whoever could handle better than he could, he had no issues passing the baton.

He did not expect to get a response from Laguna during his sorting. Yet, that's exactly what happened.

Once again pausing to stare as the email slid into his inbox, he decided this time to ignore his nerves as best he could and just open it from the get-go:

_Squall, _

_I'm so glad you replied! Short, but I didn't really expect any different. I know you're a no play, all business sort of guy, which I think sometimes others wish I was. But what can I say? Working all the time sure gets tiresome. You should make sure you take plenty of breaks. Why are you even still awake? I know why I'm awake—I couldn't sleep (too much on my mind!). But you really should be in bed. It's later here in Esthar than in FH (or earlier, depending on how you want to look at it), but it's still well into the time everyone should be sleeping. _

"Then why are you emailing me?" Squall muttered to himself.

_I'm so glad everything on your end is going well. I've been worrying myself sick over everything that's going on—about you and your friends and Rinoa and you—but it's a huge relief to know you've got things under control. Not that I didn't think you would, but, you know, I'm old and I worry about young people. I can't help it. Even if Ellone keeps telling me that you're perfectly capable of doing all the things you're doing. Because of course you are! You handled the time compression mission and everything so splendidly. I was very impressed, honestly. And very proud of you, if that's alright for me to say (you can tell me if it's not, I won't be offended, promise!). _

_ Ellone has been telling me all about you. As much as she knows anyway. She says that whenever she used her powers with you and your friends, you were always the one that ended up in my head. So it's sort of nice, for me anyway, getting to know a little more about you. Like maybe we're even now, ha! Though, admittedly, Ellone doesn't know all that much about you as, you know, you are now that you're older. Obviously. How could she? _

_ I'm so glad you're willing to come to Esthar. As I said, I realize you're very busy and very important. But if it is at all possible for us to get together in the near future, I think it'd be a good thing to do. We have a lot to discuss and I'm much better at these sorts of things in person. _

_ Anyway! Thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly and I hope to hear again from you soon (but not too soon! Get some sleep!). _

_\- Laguna _

Squall was again stuck reading this email half a dozen times, sighing each time he finished as he tried to figure out what, exactly, Laguna was hoping for in response. Or what was appropriate. Or whatever. Frankly, Squall was even more stumped by this email than the last one, and so it took him even longer to formulate a response despite the fact that this reply was even shorter than the one before:

_**President Loire, **_

_**I'm flattered that you think so highly of me. Thank you. **_

_** If there's anything you feel you need to know about me, don't hesitate to ask. I would rather be transparent than allow any lingering questions about me or my character to cloud our interactions, Ellone's faith in my abilities aside. **_

_** As far as future discussions, I don't know that the near future is entirely possible, but I'll do my best to keep in contact with you otherwise. Until I can make my way east. We're headed to Trabia shortly, and I think I'll be caught up in Galbadia for some time following, but I'm sure we can arrange something after that. **_

_** Thank you again, **_

_**\- Commander Squall Leonhart **_

He didn't hesitate in sending this one, though he did find that he was quite paranoid afterward. He couldn't help constantly looking at the top of his inbox, waiting for a response. And when he started to grow frustrated that no new emails were coming in, he had to sit back and reason that it was for the best. Laguna was right, really, he should be in bed.

Yes, he'd go to bed. He could check his email again in the morning.

Yet, even as he told himself as much, another email finally came slipping through.

Another email from Laguna.

Squall sighed:

_Squall, _

_Anything I want to know about you? I want to know everything about you! Every tiny detail! Well, not everything, but anything you're willing to tell me. What's your favorite food? I'll be sure to have some available when you come and visit. Are you a morning person? Do you like cats or dogs more? How long did it take you to become a gunblade specialist? Do you like being a SeeD? What was growing up in the Garden like? Did you have a lot of fun there with all the other kids? I certainly hope you did! I can't imagine you didn't. I've only ever seen the Gardens from a distance, but they look like amazing places to grow up. _

_ Are you allergic to peanuts? I'm allergic to peanuts. It's a very common allergy, or so Kiros tells me. I'm also allergic to strawberries. They make my throat swell right up until I suffocate. I accidentally ate one a few years ago and ended up in the hospital. The media was convinced someone had tried to poison me, but I really did eat it by mistake. _

_ It's unfortunate that we won't be able to meet again sooner. I really, really would like to speak with you face to face about some things. It's not an emergency or anything, but I don't think it should wait too long either. I could come visit you even, if that would make it more possible for you. Not that I should leave Esthar right now, but I think I could spare a week or two if necessary. It's been a long time since I've been to Galbadia, after all. _

_ Are you lactose intolerant? I get so sick when it comes to milk, it's embarrassing. I'm allergic to so many things, it's amazing I'm still alive. _

_ Anyway! Hope to hear from you soon. _

_\- Laguna_

This was by far the most ridiculous of all the emails Laguna had sent him. Yet, even so, it unnerved Squall more than any of the previous messages. For a lot of reasons that had him pursing his lips.

Still, he formulated a reply, somewhat surprised that though he was… anxious, it was easier than his previous two:

_**President Loire, **_

_** I'm not sure I can provide you with every tiny detail, but I'll try to answer your questions as best I can: I don't really have a favorite food, sorry. I suppose I'm a morning person by default of my job. I've had very little interaction with cats and have only recently interacted much with Sorceress Rinoa's dog, so I can't say I have much of an opinion on either. **_

_** I trained for over seven years with a gunblade, having picked out my weapon specialization at ten years old—as most students on the combat track do. As far as being a SeeD, it's hard to say, as I don't think my experience as a SeeD is comparable to most at this point. It's definitely been eventful, in any case. **_

_** Growing up in the Garden is likely equitable to any other boarding school, aside from the mercenary training. I'm not sure what else you would like to know about it. As far as fun, that's not really what Garden is here to provide. We train elite mercenaries—fun isn't really a priority. **_

_** Yes, I'm also allergic to peanuts and strawberries, bearing similar reactions. But I'm allergic to a great many things, so this isn't so surprising in my case (lactose included). **_

_** I think it's probably best that we have any and all meetings in Esthar—I don't want you to have to deal with any international conflicts simply because you desired to speak with me. If there is an urgent matter, I'm more than willing to discuss it with you via email. **_

_** I hope this satisfies some of your curiosities, **_

_**\- Commander Squall Leonhart**_

He wasn't exactly sure what to think of Laguna's questions, nor the apparent similarities the two of them shared. But Squall really was allergic to a great many things, so that could just be a coincidence, right? And what could Laguna possibly need to talk about that would warrant coming all the way to Galbadia to meet him?

Was that a reply _already_?

Slumping, Squall rubbed his temples as if trying to rub away his stress, before he opened the next email:

_Squall, _

_Sounds like growing up in Garden maybe wasn't so fun after all. Though maybe I should have known that. Still, I'm sure you have some fond memories, which is what is worth holding on to, right? _

_ I'm also allergic to everything. Ward has a special diet plan that he sets up for me just so I don't poison myself or eat something that lands me in the bathroom all day (something about it interfering with important meetings). It's a good thing I have them around to take care of me. I really am hopeless on my own. I joined the military right out of college, much to my parents' annoyance. So after they were done taking care of me, I had Kiros and Ward, and then Raine, and then Kiros and Ward again. Which is all probably for the best—I hate being alone most of the time. I'd probably go crawling back to my parents right now if I didn't have Kiros and Ward here to tell me how to take care of myself, ha! _

_ I really think emailing you would be ill-advised as far as what we need to discuss. And I suppose you're right, it would be a bad idea for me to show up just anywhere, even if I was travelling under the radar. Unless I went directly to Balamb Garden. Would that be more amendable? _

_ Let me know! Oh, and I've attached Kiros' list of everything I'm allergic to. We should compare! _

_\- Laguna _

Okay, so Squall really was stressing out now. Standing, he paced a bit around the office before returning to the email. Doing so did little to quell the way his heart was fluttering nauseously in his chest, nor did it do anything to alleviate the stress headache assaulting his thoughts.

Were Laguna's parents still alive, even then? Did the man have any other relatives? Siblings? Anything?

Oh hyne, this was too much. He was still getting ahead of himself.

What did Laguna want to talk to him about so badly?

Whatever! He'd just reply:

_**President Loire, **_

_**I make a habit of trying not to think about my childhood, if you really need to know. **_

_** Balamb Garden isn't going to be in any one location in the near future, so it would be difficult for you to come here directly. **_

_**\- Commander Squall Leonhart **_

His response was rude. He knew it was. But he was getting really frustrated and angry and this whole thing was starting to get to him and he was running out of things to say! Yet, somehow, Laguna kept sending replies within minutes of getting his own:

_Squall, _

_I'm sorry. I won't ask any more about your childhood if you don't want to talk about it. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm not trying to pressure you or anything like that. _

_ I'd be more than willing to meet you in the middle of the ocean, really, if it's all the same to you! It's no big deal to me, promise. Don't worry about me! _

_\- Laguna_

And so Squall replied, even as his thoughts spiraled:

_**President Loire, **_

_**I don't want you to come here. I want you to tell me why you're asking me all these questions and being so persistent in the first place. **_

_**\- Squall**_

_Squall, _

_Okay, that's fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. We can stop talking right now. _

_ I really am sorry. _

_\- Laguna_

_**That doesn't tell me anything.**_

_ Squall, I don't think it's appropriate that we discuss anything over email. A lot can be misconstrued in emails. And I want to make sure you're in a… safe space when we're talking. _

_\- Laguna_

_**Well I'm definitely not in a "safe space" right now so you need to tell me because you're freaking me out and I don't think I can deal with any more stress in my life at the moment so you need to just tell me whatever it is you need to tell me.**_

_Okay, okay, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. But it's alright, you don't need to be freaking out about anything. Just forget this whole conversation happened. I'll just stop emailing you until we can set up a place to talk, okay? You don't need to worry about me or anything else, I swear. Just forget this whole thing even happened. I don't want you to be stressing out about anything else, let alone me._

_ You don't have to respond to this email. It's okay. _

_\- Laguna_

_**That's not fair. You can't send all those emails and then back out when I want to know what the hell it is you're talking about. I have the right to know what your deal is and you can't just avoid it.**_

_I'm not backing out or avoiding anything, Squall. I'll keep talking to you all night if that's what you want. I'm here, I promise._

_\- Laguna_

_** Then tell me the truth.**_

_I'm getting the impression you already know the truth. _

_\- Laguna_

_**No, I don't "know" anything. I've spent my whole life not "knowing" anything, so you need to just tell me the truth because if you don't, I don't know how I'm going to deal with any of this.**_

_** And don't act like you're here to support me or something. You were never here.**_

_If I'd known about you, Squall, I would have left everything behind to find you. Ellone only told me about you after she came up to the Lunar Base. And Raine didn't say anything about being pregnant before I left—I don't think she knew at the time. If I had known, then I promise you things would have been very different. _

_\- Laguna_

It was a confession that did absolutely nothing to alleviate any of Squall's distress. In fact, it did the exact opposite. It left his throat dry and his whole body prickling with vague numbness. His breath started coming fast and the longer he stared at the email, the harder it was to concentrate.

But mostly he just felt… angry. And betrayed. And abandoned. All the feelings he'd wrestled with a child—and even a young teenager—were flaring back full force. What little logic he had that remained tried to argue that it wasn't Laguna's fault things had turned out this way. But that was quickly shoved aside by other, less sympathetic outlooks.

After all, Laguna was the one that abandoned his wife after finding Ellone. He sent Ellone back to Winhill on her own and then never went home again. Raine—his _mother_—_died_ and Laguna wasn't there and she was alone and then Squall was shipped off with Ellone. Laguna had known that Raine was dead, that Ellone was sent to an orphanage. Why hadn't he gone looking for her? For them? He'd hunted Ellone all the way to Esthar once, so why hadn't he dropped everything to go after her again? If he had, if he'd done what a father should have done—because he'd basically adopted Ellone anyway—then he'd have found them! He'd been to Edea's orphanage once already looking for Ellone! But instead, he'd stayed in Esthar for eighteen years! Squall's entire life!

This whole time his father had been _alive_! Yet Squall had spent his whole life completely on his own, convinced he was alone and that no one had wanted him and that his existence had amounted to nothing in the eyes of whatever family he might have had.

He hated him. He'd never hated someone so much in his life! All those nights he'd spent crying in the orphanage, waiting for Ellone. Years spent in Garden, having no choice but to become a mercenary because it'd been the only future life had bothered to afford him. All those hours he'd spent trying to find his family. Only for Laguna to show up now, after Squall had finally made peace with the shit his life had been up till then. Just to throw a wrench into everything!

It was bullshit! It was complete and total _shit_!

_**You're so full of shit. You're the one who stayed in Esthar and never went back to your family. You went all over the world searching for Ellone the first time, but then you just left her after Raine died. If you'd even bothered to try and do the right thing, you'd have learned the truth. But you didn't. So you can take your apologies and go fuck yourself. **_

He didn't care that Laguna was the president of Esthar. He didn't care that _he_ was the Commander of Garden. They were long past their positions at this point. Maybe he was lashing out, but Laguna deserved it. His whole life Squall had been alone and hurt and confused and it was this man's fault.

_I did search. As soon as I learned that Raine had died, I sent teams to Winhill—all over the world—searching for Ellone. I thought I'd have a better chance of finding her if I stayed president, because I had so many more resources. But there were so many orphanages after the war, Squall. And so many children without any documentation. Ellone told me that if anyone had come searching for her, Edea would have lied to protect her. She'd known about Ellone's abilities and she probably would have found any kind of Estharian team suspicious. With good reason._

_ I thought I was doing the right thing. I had teams continuing to search for Ellone up until just recently, when she showed up on the Lunar Base. I never stopped looking for her. I suppose I never found her because Edea had hidden her away on the white SeeD ship, to protect her. I know none of that matters to you, and it doesn't change anything, but I did what I thought was the right thing. I thought I was doing everything that I could. _

_ I spent years worrying about Ellone. And if I'd known about you… _

_ Squall, I'm sorry. I know that's not good enough, but I am. I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you and for Raine and I wasn't. I kept thinking that eventually they wouldn't need me in Esthar and I'd be able to go home. I'd never wanted to be president and I just kept telling myself, one more day and then I could go home to Winhill. But then the notice about Raine finally found its way to Esthar, months and months too late. And I realized how stupid I'd been. If I could go back, I'd have refused to be Esthar's president. No, I would have sent for Raine, because with Esthar's technology, maybe they could have saved her. I think about these possibilities every day of my life. And after Ellone told me about you, I…_

_ I don't even know what to say to you. Except that I'm sorry. And that I know it's too late and that nothing I do can make things better. I can't even begin to imagine what growing up must have been like for you, and if I could, I'd…_

_ Ellone told me about you the moment we met up again. I knew who you were when we spoke about the Time Compression mission. I hadn't wanted to upset you then, knowing what you were going into was so dangerous. I also hadn't wanted to let you go. But that wasn't my place and so I tried to do everything I could to give you all the best chances possible. _

_ But the moment I saw you, Squall, I… It's ludicrous because I don't know you and you probably hate me, but I do love you. And I'll support you if I can, in whatever way you may need. I know I can't make up for not being there the last eighteen years, but I would like to be part of your life now. I don't have the right to ask that, but I've already failed you so much up to this point. Just realize that I'll be whatever you need me to be, even if that means you never want to speak to me again. _

_ It's okay. Whatever you want is okay. _

_ I'm sorry. _

_\- Laguna _

Squall read the email. He read it four times, even through the angry tears that he wiped away before they dared to fall. And it hurt just as much every time he did, while also compounding his anger. Laguna was right—he didn't have any rights as far as Squall's life. He didn't know him and Squall didn't want him to. "Love?" Bullshit. Squall didn't believe a word of it. All Laguna had done was impregnate his mother and then leave her to die. He didn't "love" him—he didn't know him! Squall was nothing to Laguna! Just as Laguna would be nothing to him, Squall decided. He'd made it this long without any parents, he certainly didn't need them now.

Laguna was right on the mark—he never wanted to see or speak to him ever again.

And that's exactly what he told him:

_**Don't email me about personal matters any more. If I could, I'd never see or speak to you again. I don't need or want you in my life. Just leave me alone. **_

He sent the email, shut down his computer, and locked down every throbbing emotion that wanted to burst free.

**oooooooooooooooooooooo**

**A/N:** I really hate how this website formats stuff. Oh well. Anyway, Squall finding out about Laguna has always been something that's fascinated me, and every fic I've found that addresses the subject never seems to take it seriously enough, or take into account the very obvious issues Squall had growing up in canon as an orphan. I dunno, I just figured that Squall probably would take the whole thing a lot worse than is often portrayed, as people seem to forget the emotional outbursts he tends to have in the game as well.

Also, if you guys could leave reviews, that'd be great. I realize this fandom is rather dead and that what I'm writing is probably more for myself than anything, but feedback still helps. Thanks, guys.


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